“I’m sorry.” He handed me a sheet of paper listing the jail’s rules for inmates and visitors. The same list I’d gotten off the internet. “You can write to him. The address is on there.”
A tear escaped, and I quickly swiped it away. “Why would he not want visitors?”
“It happens. For some, it’s easier just to stop contact.”
“He wouldn’t have removed me,” I said again. “There has to be a mistake.”
The man sighed. “You’ll have to ask him why. But the removal request came from the inmate. There’s nothing I can do.”
“Can you tell me if Adan Cruz is still on the list for visits?” Maybe he was just over me. This was his way of breaking up with me. My heart hurt. Oh god, this hurt.I must’ve done something for him to shut me out. This was my fault.
“I’m afraid I can’t give you any other information.”
“I won’t need this.” I handed the paper back. My body was numb, and my heart shattered. I hurried out of the building, pulled on my helmet, and climbed onto my bike. I barely remembered the ride to the MC as I pulled up to the code box at the gate. I’d seen Cruz enter the code enough times to remember it.
I rode around back, parked my bike, and entered the MC. A few bikers sat at tables, but none were the Heller I needed. With the blackout curtains closed, Cruz’s room was dark as I entered.
“Micki.” His sleepy voice found me in the dark.
After I shrugged out of my leather riding jacket, I quickly unlaced my boots, tugged them off, and climbed into bed with Cruz. Slipping under the blanket, I curled into his warm body.
His arms came around me and pulled me against him.
“You okay?”
I barely shook my head, closed my eyes, and let my tears fall. Cruz’s fingers slipped under my hair and gently stroked my neck.
“I went to the jail,” I whispered.
He stilled. “Did you see him?”
“We won’t be seeing him. He removed us from the visitor list. He’s not calling because he doesn’t want to talk to us.” I choked on a sob. “He doesn’t want to see us.”
“Fuck.”
“I just want to ask him why.”
His fingers began to gently tickle my skin again. “You don’t have to ask him. You know why. He’s in his head.”
I craned my face to his, barely making out the hard clench of his jaw, and the dark fringe of lashes of his closed eyes. “Maybe we were too much for him.”
He was quiet. His chest rose and fell with even breaths. “Maybewewere. But not you. I pushed too hard. Rizz and I are too different. He’s good, you know. He thinks of others.”
Sometimes, wrong was right. Cruz didn’t fit with societal norms, but he’d proven what he was willing to do for those he cared about.
“He put up with me to be with you. Don’t doubt the way he feels about you.”
I leaned up and rested my chin on his chest. “But you wanted more with him.”
He brushed my bangs from my eyes. “Yeah. I did. We both fell for his rizz.”
I rested my cheek against his chest again. “I hate this.” I hated this emptiness inside me. I hated that he was alone. “I hope he knows how much this hurts.” That he knew how much I cared about him.
“There’s so much I want to tell him.”
I glanced up at him again.
“I need to tell him he’s a fucking fool if he misses out on you because of me. He needs to know that I don’t have to fuck him for the three of us to be in a relationship. I want to share a bed. I want to hear him whisper to you at night. I want to smell him on our sheets. I’ve fucked my fist raw thinking about him in the room with us when I fuck you filthy.”
