“Don’t tell me you’re doubting your skills.”
“It’s not my skills we’re talking about. I’m not a replacement for you.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but you’re all she’s got. I’m locked up. I’m going fucking crazy wanting what I can’t have.” He heaved a heavy exhale of exasperation. “Cruz, I can’t do this.”
I didn’t like the dejected tone of his voice. “Can’t do what? Be specific, Rizz.”
“I can’t pretend that I have any chance of getting out of this. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t eat at me that you’re there with her and I’m here. And you know, it pisses me off that I can’t stop thinking about you, either. The longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be.”
“I know you’re scared, but you’re not doing this without us.”
“Three weeks feels like a long fucking time. Five years is going to feel like an eternity.”
There was nothing I could say. “You’re entitled to a bad day, Ryatt. But you can’t shut me out.”
“The call’s going to end.”
“Ryatt—”
The call disconnected.
I sent a text to McKelle.
Cruz: Are you on your way? I need you.
McKelle
I sat in the jail visitation lobby waiting for the man sitting behind a glass partition to finish up with awoman wanting to see her son. Apparently, he hadn’t been following the rules.
She continued to argue with the man. “If he knew how to behave, he wouldn’t be in here, would he?”
Her arguments had me thinking maybe Ryatt had done something. Why else would he stop calling? Neither Cruz nor I had heard from him since he let Cruz know the visit was canceled. No phone call. No video calls. No rescheduled visits. And his attorney was worthless. He couldn’t give me any information without authorization from Ryatt.
Circular logic because I couldn’t talk to Ryatt.
So, here I was sitting in the jail visitation lobby on a Friday afternoon, knowing they probably wouldn’t help either. But I had to try. Maybe if it was a simple clerical error, we could get a visit scheduled. Maybe they’d let me see him now because no one was going to do anything over the weekend.
“Ma’am.”
I lifted my head, glanced over to the man behind the glass, then grabbed my helmet off the floor, stood, and crossed the room.
“How can I help you?” he asked.
“I had a question about visitation. I was allowed a visit last week, but then this week, my visitation was revoked. Was a rule broken?” Although Ryatt, Cruz, and I hadn’t done anything but talk when we’d been here. Now, I had nothing. “He’s here on a probation violation, waiting for a court date.” It wasn’t as if he killed someone.
No, that would be my other boyfriend. Oh my god. My brain needed to shut up.
“ID and name of the inmate?”
I handed my driver’s license over. “Ryatt Donovan.”
He plugged the name into the keyboard. He scanned his computer, then handed my ID back to me. “The inmate removed your name from his visitor list.”
I had to have heard that wrong. “Excuse me?” There had to be a mistake. “Why would he take me off the visiting list?” My chest tightened and fear that this wasn’t all a mistake bit painfully in my gut. Ryatt was shutting me out on purpose. The thin thread I’d been holding onto began to fray. “I’m his girlfriend.”
He finally turned away from the computer, looked directly at me, and gave me a sympathetic smile. “Sometimes it’s hard for an inmate to deal with disappointing friends and family.”
But that wasn’t us. We were good. He wouldn’t do that. But he had. No phone calls. No visiting. I blinked to keep tears from my eyes. “Can I—” I sniffed and swallowed the lump lodged in my throat. “If I write a note, can you get it to him?”
