“How… where… what…?” My brain has short-circuited and is rapid-firing incomplete thoughts.
The cat lets out a long sigh. “Tell me you aren’t daft. The last witch I was paired with wasn’t a genius, but he could at least put together a complete sentence.”
I blink. “I’mnotdaft. Excuse me for taking a moment when insulted by a talking cat playing the part of a mausoleum night light.”
The soft, ethereal blue light clinging to the cat’s fur pulses gently, like he’s made of moonlight and magic. His gaze locks with mine, studying me with eerie intelligence.
I scratch at my arms, the discomfort from the scurrying of ants beneath my skin growing stronger… like painfully strong. “And what do you mean, the last witch you were paired with? Who are you?”
The glowing blue cat blinks at me, tail flicking. “What don’t you understand, sparkle-fingers? It’s basic. You’re a witch. I’m the familiar assigned to you.”
“Assigned?” I blink at him, mouth agape. “Assigned by whom?”
“Someone more powerful than either of us.” For the first time, the cat looks around, taking it our surroundings. “Ah, the soul-shriveling aroma of death, despair, and disappointed ancestors. Charming.”
I rub a hand over my face, and push at the pressure building in my forehead. “Who are you exactly?”
“I’m S’Narkathis of Incessant Ridicule, Minor Demon, Personal Attendant, but you can call me SIR.”
Yeah, no, that won’t be happening. “Wait. Minor demon? Demons are real?”
The cat blinks at me. “Satan’s tits, you’re really not selling your claim that you’re not daft. I have slime between my toes with higher intelligence than you.”
“Rude and also gross. I’m not dumb, I just don’t know who you are or why you’re here.”
“Try to keep up, sparkles.I’m. Your. Familiar.” He stretches each word out, speaking in slow-motion. “Tell me you’re at least somebody impressive in the magical world.”
I straighten and shrug. “I think my family might be a big deal locally, but I only found out about magic two days ago, so what the hell do I know?”
The cat glares at me. “Are you fucking with me?”
“Uh, no.”
“You knownothing?”
“Now you’re getting it.”
The cat puffs up, and energy sparks off him like Roman candles on the 4thof July. “Motherfucking bastard. I bet Vaelzor of the Obsidian Ledger did this. That bureaucratic imbecile has been plotting against me for centuries. One down and dirty week with his wife and mother and the guy is like a hellhound on spilled entrails.”
I step back as the cat angrily paces across the stone altar table. As he does, his form flickers in and out and flashes to other forms: a bat with threatening fangs, a mangy dog with glowing eyes, a gremlin-looking thing with a mohawk, straight out of the 80s movie. And with each new form, flames arch off him and shoot through the air.
Wow, I’m thankful that everything in this room is stone and won’t catch fire.
“Yeah, well, that sucks. I guess you’ll be putting in a grievance for reassignment, huh?”
He scoffs. “Oh, that I could. But duty is a sadistic bitch, and when she stabs you, it’s usually in the nuts, and with a serrated blade.”
“Wow, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.”
“I’m a demon, sparkles. I don’t do feelings.”
“Alrighty then, march right back to where you came from. Safe travels. Buh-bye.” I really don’t know what’s going on anymore, but I’ve had enough. “Goodbye family. I’ll be back.”
Hopefully, when I’m not being hazed by a demon ghost cat.Yeah, who could’ve guessed that was something I would ever say to myself?
“A demon familiar? Were you breathing mold spores in that crypt? Are you high?” Asher stretches up on the step stool and grabs three more books from the highest shelf in the library. “That is bonkers, baby girl. Like major wackadoodle.”
“Trust me, I’m aware.”
