I reclined back onto the couch after he released my hand and took a big sip from my wine glass. “So, whatcha been up to?”
His laughter echoed through my apartment. “God, I missed you and your uncanny ability to change gears.”
Hand to my chest, I shot back, “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, sir.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Better cut ‘sir’ out of your vocabulary while we are working on being friends, Lexi.”
“Or what?” I batted my eyelashes.Didn’t we just agree no sex?Yet, there I was, going back to my default settings.
He ignored my bratty comment and avoided my eyes. “Well, since we’re being honest, I upped my therapy appointments and I’ve been working a lot.”
“I didn’t know you went to therapy. Because of your mom? Shit. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” I didn’t want to pry, but if we were friends or trying to be, that’s something I’d ask a friend.
“Yeah, partially. When my mom was sick, I was in a relationship with a woman I honestly thought I’d end up marrying. But she showed her true colors and up and left when I needed her the most. Losing my mom and her at the same time was a lot, and I didn’t handle it well at all.” He paused as if he wanted to say more and was deciding whether to continue. “It was bad, Lexi.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry, Brandon. I had no idea.” The realizationof what I’d done hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t used to dealing with the aftermath of my actions when it came to men. I usually got what I needed and moved on with my life. With the consequences of my actions staring me in the face, I felt a heaviness in my chest that I hadn’t felt before.
“How could you have? It’s not like our conversations ever got that deep or personal. We both had our secrets—our own issues. Now that they’re out on the table, we can move forward.”
I winced, remembering I still had one more secret to share, fearing it would be too much for Brandon to deal with. We agreed to be honest with each other, so I pulled on my proverbial big-girl panties. “Speaking of secrets—” I started, looking down at my wineglass. “In the spirit of laying all our cards on the table, I have something I should tell you.”
He looked over at me expectantly, waiting for me to divulge my secret.
I sat up straighter and gathered my courage. With my heart beating out of my chest, I went on, “I slept with someone else.”
Taking a deep breath, his nostrils flared, and his eyes closed, but he remained silent, so I continued.
“It was a couple of days after I ran out on you. Not my finest moment, but I fell back on the only coping mechanism I knew to numb the pain I was feeling. It was a mistake—one that I regret so much—and I thought you should know. But I haven’t been with anyone since.”
Brandon was so still, I wasn’t sure if he’d even heard me. I didn’t plan on telling him about my rock bottom, but it felt dishonest to keep it from him. And since we agreed on honesty and friendship, I needed to come clean.
With his eyes still closed and fists clenched at his sides, he breathed, “It’s fine.”
“It was my rock bottom, Brandon. I felt horrible, which was new for me. I’d never regretted my whorish ways until that moment. I?—”
“Stop.” He interrupted my poor excuse for an apology tour. His pacing resumed as he continued, “I don’t want to hear another word about it. You left; we weren’t together, but the thought of you with someone else makes my blood boil, Lexi. I wish I hadn’t just agreed to the whole no-sex thing, because all I want to do is fuck you so hard so that you never forget who that pussy belongs to again.”
Oh, shit. Pulse. Pulse. Pulse.My whore of a pussy throbbed her approval. Apparently, this possessive side of Brandon did it for me. Why did I suggest no sex again? I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly feeling like the Sahara. “Brandon?—”
“I’ve gotta get out of here.” His jacket was already halfway on.
I was on my feet and pulling at his arm before I could stop myself. “Wait. Don’t go, please.”
He turned to me and grabbed both my arms. “I have to. I can’t be here right now, Sweetheart.” He leaned down and rested his forehead on mine. “Because if I stay, Iwillfuck you, and I don’t want either of us to fuck this up again.” Theanguish in his voice told me he meant what he was saying. I needed to let him leave, even though, for maybe the first time in my life, I wanted a man to stay and not even for the promise of sex.
“Go,” I whispered.
32
BRANDON
Ripping myself away from her took every scrap of my willpower. I went there for answers—to get closure—but instead I was running out of there with more hope than was healthy for someone like me. Someone desperate to find and hold on to love. Years of therapy had taught me a lot of coping mechanisms and how to set realistic expectations when it came to others, but all the therapy in the world couldn’t make me walk away from Lexi. She had a hold on me I couldn’t shake, not that I wanted to.
After I left her apartment that night, I went home and swiftly dealt with the raging hard-on I’d left there with and went to bed. I awoke the next morning to a text from Lexi.
Lexi
Hey, just making sure we’re good? You ran out of here like your ass was on fire last night.
