She ignored my texts, didn’t answer my calls, and when I showed up at her place, she told me to leave and forget about her without even opening the door. But how could I, when she consumed my every thought?
I even tried to convince her to come into the shop so I could finish her tattoo, but she wouldn’t hear it and blocked my number. I eventually gave up or started respecting her wishes, depending on how you want to see it. Diane said she hadn’t even been back to the Basement that she was aware of since the last time she and I had been in together.
One Sunday at my dad’s, Daphne mentioned Lexi had taken a leave of absence to take a travel assignment out west.Was I so horrible that she’d rather go work across the country than risk running into me here in the city?Old wounds swiftly reopened, and I retreated from the world. The coping mechanisms I’d learned after my mom died and Miranda left were temporarily forgotten.
Thankfully, Dylan recognized the signs of my retreat right away and helped me get back on track. I upped my therapy appointments, threw myself into my work, and even tried dating over the summer—which was a complete disaster, by the way.I was going through the motions of living my life, but my thoughts remained focused on Lexi. If she didn’t want me, I could deal with that, but I needed closure.Her up and leaving without a word was the worst thing she could’ve done, and she probably had no idea of how badly she’d hurt me.
And now there she was, laughing like nothing had happened, while I spent the last nine months in agony. I’d only known this woman for a few months before she disappeared from my life, yet the hole she left in my chest, which had only just started to heal, was now being ripped back open again. I knew volunteering at the hospital this year was a mistake, but I did it anyway—clearly a glutton for punishment.
“Look, Mom, it’s Santa!” I heard a young boy exclaim, drawing my attention back to the present.
“Ho, ho, ho!”
KnowingLexi had worked that day gave me a pretty good idea of when she’d be getting home that night, so I parked my ass in front of her place like a stalker. I needed answers and closure. If she was done with me, I needed her to say it to my face, and for some sick reason, I needed an explanation.
It was early December, and we hadn’t had our first snowfall yet, but that didn’t stop it from being colder than hell. I cranked the heat in my car, turned on some tunes, and settled in to wait. Fifteen minutes later, Lexi jumped out of a car in front of her building. I was relieved to see that shehadn’t walked home as she often did. It was too cold for her to walk.
I quickly shut off my car and jogged across the street towards her. She must have heard me approaching, because she turned her head just before I reached her. I was not prepared for the smile that overtook her face. I didn’t know what I expected, but that wasn’t one of the scenarios I’d played out repeatedly in my mind.
“Hey, Brando!” she beamed, but her expression changed quickly, mirroring my own. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” I closed my eyes, attempting to calm myself.How could she ask me that?It was as if she didn’t know what she’d done to me. As if it hadn’t been nine fucking months since I’d seen her. I schooled my features and continued. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah, of course. Come on in,” she offered, opening the door. I held it open for her and ushered her inside out of the cold. The walk to her apartment was quiet. The things I had to say didn’t include small talk.
After we were inside her apartment, she took off her heavy coat and walked to the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink, Brandon?”
“I’m good.” My jaw ticked. I was ready to get this over with. I didn’t want to spend one minute more than necessary in this apartment—in her presence.
“Well, take your jacket off and make yourself comfortable. It’s been a day, and I could use a glass of wine. I’m really glad you came by, actually.”
“You are? And here I thought you’ve been avoidingme,” I said flatly, taking a seat on the single chair next to the couch. I didn’t think I could bear to sit directly next to her.
She settled into the spot closest to me on the couch. “Yeah, about that. I’m really sorry.”
“About what part exactly?”
“All of it, Brandon.” She rushed her words out as if I’d leave before she could get it all out. “I was a fucking mess when we met, and that wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you’re the reason I had to leave. I don’t mean that it’s your fault. I mean, I needed to sort my shit out because I didn’t want to hurt you. I know I probably did anyway, and I’m sorry for that, but I was so fucking scared and I didn’t want to take you down with me.” She sucked in a deep breath and then continued at a slower pace. “Here’s the deal. I’ve never had any romantic relationships before—never even had feelings for someone like that. I avoided relationships because of shit that happened when I was a kid. My dad’s leavingreallyfucked me up, but I’ve only recently come to realize that. So, when we met, and I started to feel something for you, it freaked me the fuck out. And then when I saw those sketches and realized I couldn’t give you what you probably wanted, I ran. That was a mistake. Staying and talking to you about it would have been the right thing to do, the mature thing, but I didn’t. I wasn’t ready.”
A tear trailed down her cheek, and I fought the urge to wipe it away. “And you’re ready now?” I asked, unsure if I was ready myself.
“I think so.”
My patience was wearing thin, and her uncertainty wasn’t helping. “Ready for what exactly? For a relationship or to talk things out like an adult?”
“Both?” The question in her answer had me on my feet.
“Cut the shit, Lexi.” She watched with wide eyes as I paced around her living room. “If I hadn’t come here today and cornered you, you wouldn’t even be talking to me right now. Am I right?” I clenched my fists at my sides as I continued to pace.
A sob escaped her, and my need to comfort her almost broke my resolve to get answers. “I wanted to come to you as soon as I got home, but I was so nervous, Brandon. And I wanted to be ready to start something if you were open to it. I’m scared I’m going to fuck this up—I’m afraid I already have.” She wiped the tears that littered her cheeks. “I didn’t know what to do with all the things I was feeling, so I started therapy when I got back. I wanted to be in a better place before I saw you again.”
Hearing that she, too, had been in therapy, stopped me in my tracks. Turning to look at her, I realized this was not the same Lexi who had left me all those months ago. This was a Lexi who was trying to heal from her past—something I was all too familiar with. She was making an effort to better herself, and I was so proud of her, even though I was still hurt and angry about how she’d gone about it.
“Andareyou? In a better place?” I moved to sit next to her on the couch.
“I think so.” She peered up at me through wet lashes, nodding.
I placed a hand on her arm, forcing myself to stop there. “Well, I’m happy for you, Lexi. I’m glad you’re healing. I wish you’d have talked to me before you left without a word. You don’t know what that did to me.”
