Coughing, Smith shook his head to get rid of the water. “Great. I’m fired. Oo-rah.”
“See? I told you. He’s a mini-me.” Cash sighed. “Smith, you’re a huge pain in the ass.”
Evan muttered, “Pot calling kettle. Hello.”
“I heard that.” Cash blew out a breath. “So, we have a couple things to get through. First, the Allen business. You might not want the info, but I do.”
“He—”
“Is a piece of our history. So, we’re gonna go see what the bitch wants and shut her up. Okay? Then you never have to see her again. You do that for me, I’ll fix Erin for you.”
“It’s too late.” Hell, he didn’t even know what he was saying.
Evan shook his head. “You are so ridiculous I can’t even… Let me recap this for you. Erin is hungover and says she wants to go home. Instead of having a mature conversation and asking her why, you don’t talk to her and act like the world is ending for two. Whole. Days.”
The rage that he’d thought had gone came back. “What the fuck would you know, with your perfect world and your perfect life?” he spat at Evan. “You have no idea what it’s like to have no one.”
When Evan would have spoken, Reid grabbed him by the arm and said, “Smith, you have—”
“No one, damn it.” The tears and pain welled from deep inside, the hurt so fucking bad. It poured out, a rush of all the badness he’d been born with. “The one person who accepts me almost fucking died.” Poor Tilly. She could do so much better than him. “Don’t you assholes get it? I am nothing and no one. I have no friends, no mother, no father. No brothers,” he said with a sneer, because they didn’t know the real him. “You say you want to be close, but you have no idea who I am.”
“Who are you?” Cash asked.
“I’m trash. A waste, okay?” he yelled, forced to say it, to finally believe it. Fuck. He almost had Erin, but he’d lost her. Because he’d never really had her. Like all the others. She’d seen and was done. And it hurt. It hurt so much. “I did well in the Corps, you know? Always went first, not afraid to be hurt or die, because it doesn’t matter whenyoudon’t matter. But then it wasn’t enough.” He remembered thinking that maybe after so much time away, perhaps his mother might have missed him. “I thought if I came home, she’d see me.” He laughed, a bitter dry husk of the man he was. “And she did. She saw the real me I never wanted to face.”
He looked at them and felt himself crying and had nothing left, not even shame. “I’m a loser, okay? I accept it. Move on.”
“Why are you a loser?” Reid asked.
“Are you stupid? Shethrew me away,” he roared, so fucking done being trash. “She kept you, asshole. Not me. No one has ever wanted me.”
“Erin does,” Evan said quietly.
“Shut up. She does not.”
“We do,” Cash said, and suddenly Smith couldn’t look at him, because the humiliation came rushing back, a tidal wave of agony that he’d exposed himself and been found lacking all over again. All this feel-good shit was just pathetic and out of pity.
“Go away.”
“Oh my God. This pity party isridiculous,” Evan yelled, surprising them all into silence. Evan didn’t yell or argue. Evan got along with everyone.
Reid said slowly, “Evan, I don’t think—”
“No, no.I’m done.” He leaned right in Smith’s face and said in even, distinct words, “The woman who has you drowning in your own tears—and I mean Erin, in case you’re confused—has no idea what crawled up your ass and died. You want to know why she wants her space? Because she’s on her period.”
Smith blinked “What?”
“Yes. She’s homesick because apparently when she’s feeling bad, her mom would rub her head or stomach or something. And she’s too embarrassed to tell you about it, because you always seem to see her when she’s a crying mess. You know how I know that, dipshit?”
Reid put a hand on his arm, but Evan yanked it away and poked Smith in the chest. “I. Asked. Her.”
Cash blew out a breath. “Oh boy.”
Evan wasn’t done. “Yes, that’s right. I had a fucking conversation with your girlfriend. I went to her apartment and spoke like a mature, civilized person—one in a relationship—might. I didn’t mope and moan and make everyone else miserable because I don’t know how to have a fucking conversation with a woman!”
“Oh my God. Evan, I want to be you when I grow up!” Cash held up his hand for a high-five.
Evan glared at him. “Shut up.” Then he slapped Cash’s hand.
