Chapter 10
Gavin leaned back on the couch, sitting up this time, while his therapist droned on about inner peace and finding one’s zen. Lee had helped him a lot. They’d worked out a payment plan, because weekly sessions with a shrink cost a pretty penny. It helped that Lee had been approved by the VA, but not enough to take away all the cost of an out-of-network doctor.
“Gavin? You’ve been pretty quiet today.”
Tall, thin, and prematurely gray, Lee had to be in his mid-forties. The guy had a quiet bearing and inner strength that would appeal to the mentally ill, as Gavin laughingly thought of himself. On a serious note, Lee was easy to talk to, nonjudgmental, and he’d helped Gavin learn to deal with stress, tailoring the sessions to Gavin as an individual. Because in psychology, as Lee liked to say, one size did not fit all. The office sat in the same building Ava worked in. That might have made Gavin uncomfortable if he hadn’t trusted one hundred percent in Ava and Lee as professionals.
“I met someone,” Gavin admitted, though he hadn’t intended to bring Zoe up.
“Oh?”
“She’s this woman I’ve been trying to talk to at the gym for months. Really nice, beautiful… Well, wait. Not too nice. She’s kind of smart-alecky.”
“And you like her.”
“Yeah, I do.” As a person, not just a woman he wanted to sex up.
“Right. Interesting, and something we’ll definitely discuss in just a moment. Just as soon as you answer my favorite question.” Lee paused, and Gavin knew what came next. “So how are you holding up?”
“With?” he asked, just to be contrary.
“The nightmares. Triggers in everyday life. Talking about your time in the service. Not the harsh wartime activity, but the good times with your fellow Marines. Remember, right now we’re all about stabilizing you. Getting you to a place where your coping mechanisms allow you to function without stress.”
Gavin squirmed. He hadn’t mentioned his cousin’s wedding at their last meeting. And he felt like he needed to. “I kind of had an issue at Mike’s wedding.”
Lee sat quietly. “Go on.”
“Mike’s my cousin. I told you about him a while ago. It was the Saturday before last. The wedding was really nice but crowded, mostly with family and people I know. I was dealing. Then I was talking to a few guys I didn’t know too well. They’re big, tough dudes with attitude.”
“There was a problem?”
“Well, not with feeling threatened by them. Not that I wanted the fight, but I pretty much already knew how I’d take them out if they came at me.” And he’d been confident he could incapacitate them before grabbing something heavy, maybe a knife—something toreallytake them out. “They got a little aggressive, thought I’d messed with a friend of theirs. Which I hadn’t. I’d just talked to the woman. Pretty, nice. Not my type.”
Lee nodded at him to continue. He didn’t take notes, but he listened. Super intense, that gaze. Like Gavin was the only one who mattered right now.
“So anyway, I was still okay. Then the music got loud, thumping. Some techno crap that tapped into memories.” He hated when that happened, when bad scenes overwhelmed him. Gavin loved the USMC to this day. But he wasn’t a robot who could turn on and off that killing switch in his brain. He’d done his duty, but there’d been a cost.
“What did you do?” Lee asked.
“I breathed in and out, deeply. Calmed myself, reminded myself I was safe, that it was just music, and I was at another mandatory family wedding in Seattle. Not under a desert sun. Helped that the guys kind of backed away, so I had a place to move to if I needed it. But I pulled myself out of the moment. I was good.”
Lee smiled. “That’s great. So the breathing and focus are helping.”
“Yeah. It’s a lot better now. Plus I’m clearheaded. Not drinking or anything.” He paused. “And, well, it was weird, but when I was with Zoe, the girl I mentioned, we were gardening, and I felt that same kind of ease. I feel that way a lot when I’m with her.”
“Gardening is wonderful therapy for dealing with issues of posttraumatic stress, you know.”
“It is?”
“Yes. You’re getting your hands dirty, out in nature, under the sun.”
“In my case, the stars.”
Lee blinked. “Or the stars. You tap into Mother Nature, and something instinctual responds to that caring and nurturing. You were building, helping to create life.”
“Yeah.” He felt damn good about that. “I have a plant. His name is Leon.” Gavin grinned at Lee’s surprise. “He’s a lavender cutting Zoe gave me. I hooked him up with a bunch of lady flowers, and they look pretty damn good outside my front door.”
“Lady flowers? So your plant has a harem, eh?”
