“It explained a lot though.” She looked so serious, so sad. “Aw, Smoky. I know how difficult all that was to say. I just wish you could have told me about some of it. Like, the feeling-guilty part. I know what that’s like.”
He sighed and let go of one wrist to run a finger down her cheek. Her eyes teared up, and he felt an answering burning behind his own. “Damn, Zoe. I’m sorry, baby. I missed you so much.” He leaned back to stand and brought her to her feet. Then he hugged and kissed her, holding her tight. “After that night, I thought you’d hate me. I was all weak and broken. Such a damn loser about everything. I—Ow. Did you just pinch me?” He stared at her in amazement.
“I hear the purple nurple is a favorite of your sister’s. And I can see why. Shut up. Just stop talking and listen.”
“Okay.”
“You arenota loser. Not a weak, pathetic fool.”
“I don’t think I saidfool.”
She held up her pinching fingers. “Not another word.”
He stopped talking.
“I love you, you big moron. So much it hurts me inside. Life is so much better when you’re with me. I even buy peanuts now, just in case you want a sundae. I have extra pink yoga pants, because the ones you used to tie me up lost their elasticity, and I’m saving them for our happy times at home.Ourhome. I don’t know how you did it, but you wormed your way in here.” She put his hand over her heart that beat like a frenzied drum.
He trembled, feeling emotional but doing his best to remain stoic, reserved. He hadn’t lost her.Thank you, God.
“I want to say I can help you through everything that happened,” she continued. “But I know I can’t. Only you can forgive yourself. Only you can decide if you want to live with me. To love me.”
She paused.
He didn’t know if he should speak, so he waited.
* * *
What the hell was he waiting for? That was her big moment, the big speech, where he was supposed to sweep in with the grand “I love you.”
“Well?” she snapped.
“Oh, I can talk now?”
She waved her hands at him. “Yes.”
“I love you.”
“Okay. And?”
“That’s not enough?”
“Argh!” She clutched her hands in her hair, recalled she had soiled gloves on and threw them to the ground, then had to work to get the dirt out of her hair.
“Wait, stop.” He waslaughing. “Baby, stop. Zoe, I fucking love the shit out of you, okay? I’m a mental case with issues that I’m working through, but the biggest kicker to the whole mess was the thought of having to give you up. Because even if I was nothing, I had you. For a time. Then I got turned around and mixed up, and I thought,No, I can’t have her. But I wanted you, so damn bad.”
She had to kiss him. He had the same thought, because he leaned in at the same time she stood on tiptoe.
Once their lips met, it was like warmth returned to her soul. She hugged him, trying not to cry again. God, she’d cried so much the past few weeks. “I missed you.”
“Oh, baby. I missed you too. I’m so sorry for—”
“No more apologies. Not today. Knowing you, you’ll have plenty more to make in the days to come.”
“In the days, weeks, months, and maybe if I’m lucky, years to come?”
She felt such joy she wanted to burst. “I’m game. But you need to talk to me when you need space. Not just take off for days, okay?”
“No more of that. Zoe, I’m making plans for the future.” He swallowed. “Forourfuture, if you’ll have me.”
