“Hello?” Hollyn’s voice is tentative when she answers. I can’t hear what is said on the other side of the call, but her face goes blank. “Okay. Thank you for calling and letting me know.”
When she hangs up, her eyes slide closed for a moment before they open again. She looks at me, but it’s like she’s looking through me. I hate it.
I hate if down to my fucking marrow.
“That was,” Hollyn pauses and clears her throat while squaring her shoulders like she’s about to step onto the battlefield, “that was Easton Auto. My car is ready.”
Her words feel like a punch to the chest, and I press my hand against where it aches. Rubbing the area does nothing, not like I really expected it to.
“That’s,” I start to say it’s a good thing or great or amazing, or something equally full of shit. But I can’t get the words past my lips. I settle on, “Okay.”
And it sounds inadequate.
My breathing starts to pick up as panic sets in. Her car is ready. She’s going to leave. It makes sense considering the only reason she was still here is because she couldn’t leave. Literally.
Now she’s able to leave Storyville. She’s able to leave me.
The feeling of my heart clenching in my chest has me gasping for air. I know I need to get myself under control. Hollyn doesn’t deserve to feel guilty for leaving and keeping the promise she made to her friend.
Even if it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and stomped on.
What did I really think was going to happen? She made it very clear from the beginning that being here was always temporary; when her car was fixed, she was going to get back on the road. It was only my hope, and delusion, which made me feel like anything other than that could happen.
“Elwood,” my woman’s voice sounds far away as I swing my wide and wild eyes in her direction. She looks concerned. Really concerned. “Hey,” she breathes out, “I need you to try and calm down. Can you do that?”
I nod even though I’m fairly sure this is now my permanent state of being. Freaked out. Worried. Empty. Incomplete.
This is how life will be now.
I’m going to have to let her go. I’m going to have to watch her drive away.
I haven’t done enough. I haven’t won her heart.
Even though there are moments when she looks at me and I swear there is love shining in her eyes.
“Right, calm,” I bark out the words between gulping and gasping breaths.
“Can you breathe with me?” She takes some deep breaths, and I find myself following her lead.
It does help calm my racing heart. But it does nothing to help the pain in my soul at the thought of her leaving. Of not waking up with her in my arms. Of not being surprised when she shows up at the library. Of not seeing my small town through her eyes and appreciating it so much more.
“I should cuff you to my bed, then won’t be able to leave,” I grumble the words under my breath, not really intending for her to hear me.
Hollyn bites her lower lip, and I shake my head. “That might pose some problems,” she sounds calm about this whole thing. Way too calm.
“Are you going to run now?” My question is a challenge, one I’m not sure how she will take.
Her eyes narrow as she looks at me and her mouth opens before snapping shut again.
Everything in me wants to throw myself at her feet and beg her to stay. Here. With me.
But I’m not sure if it would make her balk or if she would find it endearing.
Desperation claws at my chest and everything in me is screaming to tug her against me and never let her go. I don’t like this feeling. It’s too much and there’s nothing I can do to change what is about to happen.
Despair and doom wrap around me and hold me hostage.
“I’m not going anywhere, Elwood,” Hollyn’s voice is soft and sweet.
