“There were a lot of days when the treatments were almost too much for her to handle. They made her so tired and destroyed her appetite. Making her eat wasn’t easy. There were times when I would joke with her and make those airplane sounds as I spoon fed her.”
The memory of those moments, of when her weakness was on such stark display, hit me hard. I hated those moments. If Hillary did though, she never said a word about it.
“She had to feel so ridiculous and small, but she never complained. Even when the treatments stopped and she accepted her fate, she didn’t complain.”
“It sounds like Hillary was one tough chick,” Elwood’s words are a gentle prompt, and I find myself nodding before he even finishes the sentence.
“In the middle of a really bad day, when she couldn’t keep anything down and was barely able to hold her head up, she grabbed my hand with a surprising amount of force. When I looked into her eyes, I could feel mine fill with tears. She looked so lost.” I wipe the tears on my cheeks away angrily. “It was a moment when I would have happily traded places with her.”
Elwood sucks in a breath but he doesn’t say anything. His grip on me does tighten though and I almost chuckle.
“But you can’t do that, you can only deal with what life gives you as it comes,” I whisper the words. “That day,” I swallow hard, “her words were broken while pleading with me. She told me that one day I’ll fall in love and to not push whoever capturesmy heart away. She warned me about how big everything will feel and to not be afraid.”
I look up at Elwood to find his eyes already on me. I swallow hard, the words right there between us. Invisible, but real all the same.
“She told me not to worry about the destination that day, to focus on the journey instead of the end.” I look away from him, unable to see the way he yearns for something I’m not entirely sure I can give him. But, fuck, I want to. “She didn’t want me only worried about the sad ending. Because we both knew the end was coming. Instead, we talked about a road trip without a goal. In doing so we ignored how death loomed over her and how much it hurt to watch.”
“I’m glad she had you at her side, Sweet Girl.”
The words from my dream echo through my head again.
It was always about the destination.
Because the ending always matters. Who we become is just as beautiful as the growth. The experiences along the way shape us, but the result matters, the culmination, the way it produces something greater.
“Not everyone gets a love like the one you shared with your best friend,” he murmurs the words, and I jerk back from him in surprise.
“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” my words are thick with sadness and etched with grief.
“You should. It matters. The beginning. The journey. Who you meet along the way and give parts of yourself to. The destination. It all matters.”
Elwood’s arms wrap around me and warm me up better than the blankets draped over my shoulders. It all matters.
And now I need to decide what the destination looks like to me.
Maybe, just maybe, it should be snuggled in the arms of a man I wasn’t expecting on his back porch while watching the snow fall and thinking about my best friend who I will always miss.
It was always about the destination.
Could this be mine?
CHAPTER 12
ELWOOD
For some reason I can’t shake the feeling that something is about to happen. I don’t know if it’s a good something or a bad something. The more time that goes by with Hollyn’s car in the shop, the more it feels like time is running out. And I have no idea whether I’ve convinced her that this is where she belongs or not.
I’ve been too much of a coward to ask her. But I hate being in the dark.
Which is why I’m practically bouncing off the walls as we eat breakfast together. Christmas is only days away and she’s been seamlessly integrated into all the Christmas traditions around town. Everyone has welcomed her with open arms, and she’s relaxed more with every day she’s spent here.
But that doesn’t mean she won’t get in her car and drive off the moment she gets the green light.
“Tonight,” I offer, trying to keep us both occupied, “we could go and check out the lights. There are some really fancy displays around here and Christmas is just around the corner.”
“That sounds like fun,” she says with an amused smile on her face and her green eyes sparkling.
When her phone rings we both look at it like it’s a venomous snake about to strike. Maybe it is.
