I looked at Addie, nodding.
“Okay,” I said. “I get that.”
“Graham is a good guy, Lior. I think you know that. I think you know you can trust him too. So, what’s the real problem?”
I peered at her. “Have you been reading books on how to psychoanalyze pets again?”
“Maybe. That’s not the point. Tell me what the real problem is.”
“I don’t trust myself?”
“Nope.”
I glared at her.
“I…” I bit my lip, trying to find the answer hidden somewhere in my brain. “I don’t know!”
“Lior, my love. You have mommy issues.”
I stared at her, frowning in confusion, and then shook my head.
“No,” I said. “That’s…” I shook my head again, my brain whirling.
“You were cast aside by your mother, a woman who uses her looks and celebrity to get what she wants,” Addie said. “She’s a user. A manipulator who made you feel less than by putting you down and picking you apart every chance she got, making you feel small and not worthy. And so you tried to change. I watched it unfold almost daily, babe. You tried so hard to gain her approval, and she just wouldn’t fucking give it to you.” She sat up and put her empty glass on the coffee table and then moved closer to me. “Your first crush. Whatshisname. Remember how he always asked you for money at lunch? And you always gave it to him, even though that meant you wouldn’t have enough for your own lunch, so you ended up eating half of mine.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“It’s fine. I lost those last few pounds of baby fat that year and finally fit back into that pair of jeans I loved. Anyways. You gave him the money because it made him pay attention to you. You knew he’d come back again. He needed you. Every single guy you dated, with the exception of Jeremy, used you. Made you feel like you had to do something or change something about yourself to make yourself worthy of their time and affection. Just. Like. With. Your. Mom.”
I couldn’t see now, my eyes were so filled with tears.
“And here comes handsome Graham Forrester,” Addie continued. “Decent guy. Not too hard on the eyes. Doesn’t need anything from you. Doesn’t even actually want anything because he’s been so fucked over by his ex, he’s afraid of his own shadow. But you two collide on a fate paved in dog shit, and neither of you can get out of your own way to figure out that you’ve found something pretty fucking special.”
She reached for my hand.
“Your mom is a classic narcissist, my friend. And I’ll never forgive her for what she’s done to you. Never.”
I drained my glass and set it beside hers on the coffee table.
“What do I do now?” I asked.
Addie tilted her head and I laughed.
“One really does look like a puppy when they do that,” I said.
“See?” she said, her eyes widening before getting serious again. “Look, I obviously don’t know what’s going to happen with Graham. He has his own set of issues that he needs to deal with and he’s numero uno on my wink wink shit list right now for making my girl cry, so my fangirl status has dropped a few rankings. You guys will figure this thing out, or you won’t. What I do know is, you need to start thinking about you. Really considering you. What you want. Not what anyone else wants. And not what would make Lillian Flynn proud. Fuck that chick. That last photo shoot you were on was bullshit. It was not the first time and it won’t be the last. You need to decide what you want to put up with. You’ve complained a lot the last couple of years about the hours, the travel turnaround time, and the ridiculous standards. You’ve also been contemplating next steps for a while now. Maybe it’s time. If not to completely step away, to at least dip your toes in something else that could be the starting point of a whole new chapter. Something that uses that fantastic brain of yours and makes you feel worthwhile inside. Like maybe that job for Avery? And only then, and after some more therapy focused on how your mother screwed you up, should you think about having a romantic relationship with anyone.”
I nodded, considering what she’d said.
“So… is it an in-person course on psychoanalyzing your pets, or just a book,” I asked. “Because it is well worth the money and I’d like to invest in you. I think you’re going places, kid.”
She threw a pillow at me. “Jerk.”
I laughed and placed the pillow on my lap and reached to take her hands in mine, my eyes filled with tears.
“I hear you,” I said. “Thank you. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I know I have a lot of work to do, and I will. I promise.”
“Good. Because despite that ugly mug of yours, I think you’re going places too.”
