My phone pinged with another text alert. And then another.
And then another.
Now I understood what the commotion was about. I set my phone on the table and went upstairs, closed my bedroom door, and got under the covers.
Chapter 32
Lior
“I don’t understand,” Addie said, frowning at me from across the kitchen island in her kitchen. “I thought you guys were just hanging out every so often. No big deal. That’s what you told me.”
I had arrived at her clinic at noon after renting a car and driving straight there to see her. She’d been in the middle of an exam and popped her head out to wave at me and tell me when she’d be home. From there, I went to her house, let myself in with my key, turned off my phone, and laid on the couch where I fell asleep until she arrived home several hours later.
“I know that’s what I told you,” I said, not meeting her eyes and fidgeting with the frayed cuff of my flannel shirt. “I may have undersold the situation a bit though.”
“Undersold it how much?”
I puffed out my cheeks and then exhaled.
“We’ve had sex.”
“WHAT?!”
She tossed a wadded-up napkin at me and I batted it way, my face hot with embarrassment.
Glaring at me, she turned on her heel and disappeared. When she came back, she had a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other.
“Move it, Flynn,” she barked at me, nudging my knee with her leg. “I want details.”
An hour later she was caught up and the bottle of wine was nearly empty.
“You love him,” she said.
“I don’t love him.”
“Well, you sure feel something for him. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. I guess… I was afraid. Not of you but, saying the words out loud. Because that would be admitting to it and— I just couldn’t.”
Addie leaned back on the couch and swirled her wine, studying me.
“I know you’ve had a rough go of it with men,” she said. “I get it. My track record isn’t something to shout from the rooftops either. We choose dumbasses and assholes. It’s like a gift. Behold!” She threw her head back and arms wide, the wine in her glass nearly spilling over the edge. “The almighty queens of bad decisions and regret!”
I laughed.
“But—” she said, dropping her arms and turning serious again. “I don’t think for one minute you didn’t know those men weren’t right for you. I think you thought you could change them. You were self-sabotaging from the get-go.”
I thought about that for a long moment, remembering how many times I’d wondered how to fix them, or us. I’d bend myself backwards, tie myself in knots and get angry as I tried to make something work that just didn’t because they weren’t willing to change. They weren’t willing to do the work to make us work. Because for them, it was working just fine. According to them, I was the one with the problem. How many times had I heard that?
And then it hit me.
I had accused Graham of doing the same thing to me. Of trying to make me change. But he hadn’t. He’d never asked me to change me. He just got excited that my situation might change. Sure, he was an ass for not wanting to give us a chance, but could I really blame him for that? My life could be a lot. The attention. The photographs that came seemingly out of nowhere… It was invasive, and a job in itself just to avoid it. And he knew what that was like. He’d lived it. He knew what he could and couldn’t handle. What he would and wouldn’t handle.
He had set boundaries. Healthy boundaries.
What was that like?
And I— I was still the same young girl inside. Scared of being rejected and projecting my own actions on someone else.
