Connor’s still asleep. Kind of glad, more so because I want this time for myself. Last night was a lot. Getting off with another person wasn’t what I’d imagined it would be like. Not even close. Definitely not like the porn I watch.
It was good. Nice, even. And I didn’t break.
Because he didn't touch me. Not once. And he kept making sure I knew he wouldn’t.
I hate that I even need that. Hate that I can’t just be normal.
Still can’t believe it was the same Connor Walsh, the one who broke into Coach Harper’s apartment, who threatened my scholarship and my life.
And he didn’t say a word about the stupid door wedge. He just accepted it. I’m the one who’s embarrassed I need to use the thing to feel safe enough to shower.
The rest of the night, I waited for him to demand to know why I am the way I am. But I’m not ready to talk to him about it. Or anyone. It’s why I haven’t gone to therapy here yet. Don’t want to open up to a new person, to relive that night all over again. And it won’t changewhat happened.
But Connor . . . didn’t ask.
And it bothers me. Backward as fuck, but it does.
Up ahead, Eli is waiting for me . . . with Merci? I chuckle to myself. This is going to be an absolute shitshow. But maybe that’s what I really need—time outside my head.
They’re stretching against the stone base of the fountain. Eli’s wide awake and smiling while Merci gives him the finger. He looks like he just rolled out of bed in black short shorts and an oversized hoodie, hair all over the place.
Merci glares at me as I approach, hands on his hips. “I think I hate you both more than Novotny.”
I blink a few times. “What did I do?”
He rolls his eyes. “Oh, you know. Claim we’re going for muffins and milkshakes. Still too early. But then I’m told I have to wear these.” He gestures dramatically at his running shoes as if they've personally offended him.
I look at Eli. “You didn’t tell him?”
“Tell me what!”
Eli giggles. “Oh, we’re running to get breakfast.”
Merci’s eyebrows shoot up, mouth agape. “Hell to the fuck no.”
Eli bats his shoulder. “It'll do you good. Get your blood flowing.”
I reach up, stretching my arms. “It’s only thirty minutes. You won’t die.”
“That’s what you think, you giant asshole.” He pokes me in the chest. “I'm going to complain to Zach. You two are torturing me.”
Shit.
The last thing I need is for Knight to come after me. Again. I was only trying to help Merci the last time and ended up getting punched for it.
Eli shakes his head and shoves Merci forward to start jogging. “You're being dramatic.”
“Dramatic?” Merci stumbles slightly but quickly recovers. “You're both psychopaths. There's noexplanation for this running bullshit. Who runs to breakfast? We’d better be taking an Uber home.”
I shorten my stride to keep pace with them. It’s not easy being six-foot-seven sometimes.
Despite his complaining, Merci keeps up as we jog down the tree-lined path that leads off campus. It's peaceful out here. Just the sound of our footsteps against the pavement, the distant noise of morning traffic, and birds chirping.
“So,” Eli says, slightly breathless but easily keeping up. “How are things going with Connor?”
My stride hitches. “Better.”
Better.
