The flat look Simon gave me said he didn’t believe me. How he could see right through me, I’d never know. I sighed heavily.
“My parents have been speaking of arranging my marriage to a woman of their choosing. They expect me to wed and make babies. But I have no interest in women. I barely toleratespending time with my sisters on a given day. Once I return, I’m not sure how much longer I can hold them off.”
Fifteen
ZAKAI
“Do they know of your interests?” Simon asked after Uttin had returned with our food and left again, saying he needed to speak with the clan leader. Since he was still close by and therefore around if I wanted to leave, I let him go. I didn’t want him to overhear the conversation with Simon anyway. While he didn't know much of my tongue, he’d picked it up faster than I did his. I didn’t want him to know.
“No,” I grumbled, tearing into the piece of bread in my bowl. “I only ever indulge in sex when not in the capital, and my guard is very discreet. They’d lose their lives if they shared that secret. My father would never trust someone to be near me if they couldn’t be trusted to keep my secrets.”
Simon tipped his head, his eyes narrowed. “He sounds like a good father. Are you certain he would be upset?”
I shrugged. I’d never asked. It wasn’t like same sex couples were uncommon in Al Nuzem. They just never occurred in the royal family. Or at least, not as far as I knew, anyway.
“Well, I’ll trust your judgment. I never met my father, and my mother sold me to the brothel when I was Sten’s age.” He jutted his chin toward the little boy who’d told him the curse word earlier. “The nicest thing she ever did for me was teach me how to use knives to protect myself and sell me to a brothel that wouldn’t use me until I was a little older.”
My stomach dropped at the thought. My parents weren’t that bad. They doted on their children, and our safety was their top priority. When I thought about them thinking I was dead, it honestly hurt.
“Is there any way for me to get a letter to them? To at least let them know I’m alive?”
“I’ll ask Uttin. He’ll be the one who’d know.” He eyed the duo in the corner, talking with serious expressions, then made a face. “In a few minutes. I avoid Orthorr if I can. I have issues with authority.”
The comment made me snort. “I would have never guessed.”
Simon snickered, giving me his middle finger. I grinned at him.
“Can I say I enjoy that you don’t treat me like a prince without you being a total brat about it?”
“No,” Simon answered honestly, then grinned at me. “But I happen to know you’re just as much of a brat as I am. That’s why we get along so well.” He waggled his eyebrows, making me laugh. “How’s it going with Uttin, by the way? Did he pull the stick out and finally give in?”
At my startled look, Simon shrugged, unrepentant. “What? I figured out why you were so grumpy last time without you telling me. I told him to stop being an asshole. You’re welcome.”
A burst of laughter escaped me, and we both ended up in a fit of snickers, leaning on each other to remain upright. He was such a brat, but I couldn’t be mad about it. If not for him,I wouldn’t have gotten to spend the last few days in bed with Uttin.
Speaking in the barbarian language as much as I was able, I said, “Thank you. It is well.”
“Good,” he corrected. “But hey, that’s a good start. So the lessons are working?” He grinned wickedly. “I want details. How much do you have to do to get what?”
I’d never been shy with my sex life, so I felt no need to lie. “Words get me touches and kisses, and if I speak to him without prompting and try my best, his tongue gets involved.”
Simon cackled, rubbing his hands together gleefully. “That’s amazing. I wonder how far you’ll have to go to get him to fuck you. Will you need to have a full conversation? Or maybe if you only use their language for a whole day. Experiment and let me know.”
I hesitated long enough for Simon to cock his head. “What?”
“I don’t… Fucking won’t happen.”
His head jerked back, surprised. “Wait, what? Why not? Is he being all chivalrous again? Because I’ll call him out. You aren’t a delicate flower, and if you say you want something, then he should listen. Why would?—”
I put my hand up to stop him, feeling the flush in my cheeks again as I explained, “He has not said no because I haven’t asked. I do not wish to fuck him. It feels wrong. And…”
“And?” Simon prompted when I didn’t continue.
Grimacing, I admitted, “I’ve never done it the other way around before. It is bad enough that I fuck men. There has never been a royal member in a same sex relationship. If my parents found out I was not only with a man, but the receiver, they would disown me for certain.”
I had no direct proof of this, but I was always too afraid to ask. My parents only ever introduced me and my brothersto women when speaking of marriage. Their preferences were clear. And I didn't want them to think of me as weak.
“That’s bullshit!” Simon barked loud enough for the entire tent to hear him. They didn’t understand him, as we were speaking in my tongue, but they looked curious. Simon wrinkled his nose at them, lowering his voice to speak closer to a whisper. “This is that crap about how the man getting fucked is weaker, isn’t it? That’s stupid. I only ever let Feigrind fuck me because I prefer it that way. The orgasms when he’s in my ass are mind melting. That doesn’t make him stronger than me.”
