“It’s beautiful here.”
Benson opened the blinds to show off his view of the city, and Luka’s fingers threaded his as he looked out on the city they knew as home. “It’s too quiet to be Manhattan.”
“From here, it is.”
“Feels…lonely, but everything does. Everywhere does.”
Like he’d said it himself, Luka spoke what was on his heart.
He took Luka to the sofa and poured them both a scotch before joining him there. The sofa was long and narrow, comfortable as he could find, and Luka scooted over to him as they sat and drank.
After they’d both finished the first scotch, Benson’s inhibitions waned, and he asked, “What you said before, about being lonely. What did you mean?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Just…I’ve always felt like I was on my own. No matter what or where I was. And, maybe it’s silly, but I felt like I would always be. Even if I fell for someone.”
“I’ve felt that way too, all my life. I always thought it came from being a latchkey kid. My mom worked two and three jobs at a time, and I know she did it for me, to keep a roof over my head, but I missed…everyone. It felt like I was so disconnected from humanity. People I’d see every day, friends, teachers, it didn’t matter. It felt like there was a huge wall between me and all of them.”
“Exactly. I…I guess it took someone to understand that? I don’t know, but I don’t feel lonely with you. It’s so fast, and so…stupid! I keep telling myself it’s your money that is attracting me, but it’s not. Not really. It’s…not feeling alone anymore.”
“Luka, we don’t have to stress out about all of it. Let’s just spend time together and see where it takes us. I’m already tired of second-guessing the way I feel about you. My assistant said I was looking happier than ever, and she’d know. She watches me like a hawk.”
“Why?”
“I’m too nice. I am not a snake in the grass with business, and it could lose me a lot of money at times. She’s there to make up for my niceness.”
“Oh. Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to do with a lot of money, but I think I’d be okay. So far, the money for the play is…taking so much stress. I guess I’m not wealthy enough to worry over having too much yet.”
“Yeah, it’s weird. I thought, hey, I’d just finally get to coast, but it’s hard. I have many people working under me who depend on me. And Joyce hates that I pay them so much.”
Luka laid his head on Benson’s shoulder and whispered, “I like you pay them well. If everyone did, there would be a lot fewer little boys like us who felt so alone and who felt like they had to fight so hard not to stay poor.”
“Exactly why I do it. I want their kids to never have to eat mac and cheese while they dreamed of having their own laptops for playing games, like their friends all did, and having to wear the same dirty pants three days in a row because their moms were too busy to get to the laundromat.”
“Or they didn’t have the money for it.”
“That too.”
“I used to steal quarters once I got old enough to heft mine down the three flights of stairs. People left their quarters lying around a lot. I was a cute kid; they never suspected me.”
Benson chuckled with him. “Now I have a laundry service. It feels strange, sending my laundry out to strangers.”
“Better than using some of those machines!”
“God, that’s so true. They could get really nasty.”
Their laughter at the things they’d experienced was good, like it was cleansing them both of something that at one time had defined them as destitute and the lowest of the low. That feeling never truly left, but it could be covered by things.
With laughter came the realization that they were possibly meant to be together. For once, they’d help each other heal from the trauma of poverty and loneliness. It would be too much to ask, but there he was, in Benson’s arms, and as their lips met, it felt right, like his whole life had been leading there.
Luka moved to crawl over him on the sofa, and Benson felt helpless to stop letting his passion take over his better senses. No, they were grown adults and knew better than to act like a couple of love struck kids, but the way Luka made him feel…
His smile, his flashing eyes, the way his hair hung over his forehead, all of it gave Benson fluttering in his gut and a need that he couldn’t help but let take him over.
Luka slid off him and stood beside the couch, holding his hand to Benson. “It’s time you made love to me, don’t you think?”
If he were thinking, he’d say no, that it was too soon, that the moment they were in the middle of making love, he’d be lost forever, but he realized he was already lost. All he wanted in the entire world was in those eyes. “I think you might be right.”
“Okay, so, I’d be all cool and sexy and lead you to the bedroom, but…I don’t know where it is. I’d try to be cool, and we’d end up in the pantry.”
