“I think my mom is going to say the same thing,” I said.
Casey glanced over at me, confused.
“That I should date guys still,” I explained. “Even though I have no interest in guys whatsoever. I think she’s going to want me to marry a man, anyway. She’s told me all my life that God has the perfect man waiting for me. I’m not ready for her to find out I don’t want whoever ‘he picked out for me.’”
Casey’s face softened. “Aunt Tina told me the same stupid shit, but if she really believed that then why does she have two ex-husbands?” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Make it make sense.”
I grinned. “The most judgmental people tend to be the biggest hypocrites, huh?”
Casey snorted. “If that ain’t the damn truth.”
We kept talking. I never realized how good it would feel to have someone to vent to. I had friends from high school who would bitch about how uptight and critical people from our hometown were, but I still was too afraid to come out to them just in case me being a lesbian was a step too far. So to have someone know me, see me happy and in love, and there not be an ounce of judgment or disgust was liberating.
Casey became my person to lean on, my best friend. She insisted I never had to come out, but after Nina and my one-year anniversary, Nina was bringing it up more and more how hard it was to date someone in the closet. And I understood. Nina is an open book and loves to gush over her favorite people to everyone who will listen. She wanted thewhole world to know how much she loved me, what’s so wrong with that? So I bit the bullet and told them.
Nina held me as I cried. She was shocked by my parents’ reaction. The way my mom sobbed and begged me to pray for forgiveness. The way my dad demanded I move back home, because I was being corrupted by the big city. They insisted they loved me but will be praying for my soul. My mom kept repeating “hate the sin, love the sinner” to try to calm my frustrated father down. I rushed off the phone because I refused to break down in front of them. Nina was there for me, sitting by my side with a hand on my knee during the whole conversation.
While I loved Nina’s comforting arms around me as I processed the whole terrible conversation, I wanted Casey there. Nina was confused and a little upset about why she wasn’t enough, but she didn’t stop me from inviting my best friend over. It was Casey who I talked to in soft voices after Nina fell asleep. It was Casey who let me vent and tear apart every single hypocritical belief my parents and hometown held. It was Casey who shouldered my anger and pain as I tore the world down with my words. It was Casey who made me feel understood. It was Casey who validated all my feelings, even the ones that I thought were dark and scary. It was Casey who made me feel seen in a way I never had before.
So I’m glad we were interrupted tonight. Casey is the most important person in my life, and I won’t do anything that’ll jeopardize our friendship. Even if there is still a lingering ache between my thighs from what almost was.
Well, that’s what detachable shower heads are for.
The delicious aroma of sizzling bacon wakes me. I tap my phone screen to check the time and groan. Casey has always been a morning person, but it’s not even seven thirty am yet. I bury my face in my pillow, determined to sleep for another hour or two. This is my summer vacation dammit. I refuse to get up before nine am.
I only make it three minutes before my grumbling stomach demands I get my hungover ass up and out of bed. As I throw my legs over the side, I become painfully aware of the amount of moisture between my thighs. I’m momentarily confused until the previous night comes flooding back to me, and I gasp.
Casey and I almost hooked up, and then I masturbated thinking about her …twice.What is wrong with me? I’m ninety percent sure she’s back with Marcus again.
I never heard from her after I slipped away while she was on the phone with him, and ohdammit. That means he’s probably here now. I fake cry into my pillow. Ugh.
I’m about to endure the world’s most awkward and uncomfortable breakfast with the two lovebirds and, yeah, fuck that. If I want to be depressed about love, I can do that in the comfort of my own home. It’s time for me to go.
After packing my shit, I sneak out into the hallway. Casey is humming to herself in the kitchen, but I don’t hear Marcus’s annoying frat boy voice.
I set my bag down and peek around the corner.
“Good morning, sunshine!” Casey greets me from behind the open refrigerator door. “Breakfast is almost ready.”
I pause. No shirtless man with frazzled hair from a night full of sucking up in sight. That’s weird. Is he in the bathroom? Still sleeping?
“Do you want orange juice?” Casey holds up the carton.
“Um. No.” My forehead crinkles. “Where’s Marcus?”
“His ass better be back in Ann Arbor.” Casey scoffs. “Can you believe he showed up here after I explicitly told him we were done?”
“I … um?” I’m still grappling with the fact that they … aren’t back together?
“Yeah, I’m sorry it took so long to get rid of him.” Casey pours us both a glass and returns the carton to the fridge. “Such an asshole. I can’t believe I was with him for almost a year. What was I thinking?”
And it’s the first time I get a good look at Casey this morning—having previously been too busy scouring the kitchen for any sign of Marcus—andskin.So much skin. She’s wearing a lime green bikini top and tiny green board shorts that are patterned with cacti. She’s barefoot and shuffles to the stove.
My tongue is too big in my mouth. I blink hard. I can’t do this—I can’t ogle my best friend—not after realizing how big of a mistake we almost made last night. Casey is too important to me to risk our friendship.
“Look,” I say. “About last night.”
“You changed your mind. I know.”
