Casey points with her paddle to a large gray house. The indoor lights are on, showcasing several people bustling inside the kitchen. In the backyard, a shirtless man is barbecuing. Paddle boards litter the well-manicured lawn. And there’s a cozy bonfire set up with several empty chairs circling it. Wood is stacked in a pyramid inside the pit, ready for a match.
“I wonder if Lily is here.” There’s a longing in Casey’s tone that hints at the real motivation behind her question, and it finally clicks. Casey’s fuck buddy.
Both families have lake houses, and the two grew up spending summers together. Lily is the first girl Casey ever kissed. They tried dating when they were teenagers, but it fizzled out almost immediately. They realized they work better as friends rather than romantic partners, especially since their primary homes were several hours away from one another and Lily had dreams of moving away from Michigan after high school. Still, they have an agreement for no-strings-attached fun on the rare occasion they see one another.
Lily is a pilot who is constantly on the go, so even though I’ve been coming to Casey’s lakehouse for five years, I still haven’t met her. It looks like that may change this weekend.
“Why don’t you text her?” I ask and hold my breath while I wait for her answer. I’m all for her hooking up with someone if that means this breakup with Marcus sticks, but it’ll suck since spending time with my best friend is the only thing keeping my feelings over Nina’s engagement at bay. Or maybe that’s the mojitos.
“Nah,” Casey says. “My libido can kick rocks. I’d rather hang out with you.”
I snort.
“What?” she asks, amused.
“Nothing.” I pick my paddle out of the water and rest it across my thighs. The sun is setting now, turning the sky a beautiful cotton candy pink and purple. “We should head in.”
Casey is staring at the gray house, a wistful expression on her face, and I wonder what that feels like. Nina and I broke up well over a year ago, and I haven’t been with anyone but my vibrator since. And while I do enjoy my self-care, it’s not the same. I’m so fucking horny.
What would it feel like to have someone to scratch that itch with and without the feelings? If I’m honest, it sounds kind of nice. I have no desire to date someone new, but arrangements like Casey and Lily have aren’t dating. It’s just sex. Some no-strings-attached fun without the drama or heartbreak. I think that’s exactly what I need.
But with who?
Chapter Two
“I’ve never seen you look so happy!!”
Something inside me cracks. Emotion swells in my throat, and my eyes water as I force myself to reread the words over and over like the pathetic masochist I am. Nina hasn’t responded to the comment yet, but it won’t be long. She responded to every “congratulations” on her Instagram post. It’s going to kill me inside to see her agree with her aunt’s words, and, like,how could you, Aunt Karen?Nina and I had dinner at her house several times a year, and I thought she loved me. She’d always asked me about my class and seemed so enthralled by everything my students had been up to. How could she comment she’s never seen Nina so happy when she’s seen Nina withme?
I tug down on my screen to refresh the page when Casey snatches my phone from my hand.
“Hey!” I complain as Casey keeps it from my reach. She tosses it on an empty lounge chair and pushes me back down as I attempt to stand up.
“Quit!” She holds me down by the shoulder as she rejoins me in the hot tub. “You’re obsessing.”
I groan and sink back in the water. We switched to wine, and I take a long pull from my glass. Zolita plays over a wireless speaker from Casey’s phone. The moon hangs high in the sky, and there’s a string of lights illuminating the patio, giving the deck a pretty atmosphere that doesn’t at all match my mood.
“I’m not obsessing,” I complain.
She levels me with a stern look.
I roll my eyes, but there’s no heat behind it. When Casey headed inside for the bathroom, the door didn’t even click shut before I found my way to Nina’s Instagram.
“I leave you alone for five minutes.” She tsks while saddling up next to me, our legs pressed against one another’s.
“I’m sorry.” I rest my head on her shoulder.
She gives my knee a comforting squeeze. “You don’t have to apologize. I know it hurts.”
I wrap my arm around hers. She leans deeper into me, and I let her warmth and the copious amounts of alcohol I’ve consumed comfort me. My eyes water with fresh tears that I’m thankful she can’t see.
“Maybe Marcus was right,” I say.
“Never thought I’d hear those words cross your lips.”
I smile. “I don’t know, I’ve been thinking and maybe I need to sleep with someone new,” I whisper the last part. Even though my body wants to get laid, the prospect still terrifies me. Nina is the only person I’ve ever been with.
It wasn’t until I left my small conservative town and deeply religious family for grad school that I realized I was a lesbian. I was starting to question things, so I signed up for an LGBTQIA+ kickball league and was placed on an existing team. Nina took me under her wing from the moment I showed up to the field. And when theteam went out for drinks to celebrate our first win, I latched on to the excuse to spend more time with the gorgeous brunette who was glued to my side whenever we were both in the dugout. And that didn’t change at the bar.
