I spent the next twenty minutes enjoying an exhilarating buzz, catching up with the kids I knew, and meeting a few of the ones I didn’t. Greg’s parents were technically home, but as usual, they had retreated to their wing of the house so that we could be as unruly as we liked. I was sitting on the rug in front of the fireplace when Greg plopped down next to me. He complimented my green sweater and asked me about school. I knew not to trust him—he was always at his most dangerous when he was feigning cordiality. After a few minutes, I checked my watch. It was already after 11:00P.M., which meant it was less than an hour until the new year. Surely Deb’s Depot would have been closed by now. Maybe Seth had had to go farther afield to find beer.
Greg noticed my concern and said, “Hm, he should have been back by now. I guess they’re taking their time.”
“They?” I asked.
“Oh.Oh, you didn’t…?” Greg acted like he had been caught in an unanticipated conundrum, but I could tell he had been waiting for this moment.
“I didn’t what?”
“Well, Seth is kind of…” He paused as if choosing his words carefully, as if pretending to protect me from whatever it was he knew. “Well, you’ll see.”
“I’ll seewhat?” Now I was agitated, by his withholding and by the fact that I had allowed him to unnerve me. Just then, the front door swung open.
In stepped a girl named Molly, whom I had met but didn’t know well. She was a year older than me and represented the trifecta: well-liked, smart, and pretty. She was carrying a brown grocery bag and wearing an expensive-looking puffer coat with fur around the hood, and before I had a chance to notice anything else, I saw who was behind her: Seth. And he wasn’t merely following her; he had his hand on her lower back, as if he was guiding her, shielding her from the elements as he eased her into the party. He was regarding her with a look I knew well—eagerness—but I had foolishly thought that particular look was reserved for me.
“Speak of the devil.” Greg grinned. I refused to look at him, but I knew he was delighting in my reaction. And I knew everyone could see my heart shudder.
Then things got worse. When Seth finally looked over and saw me, his face froze. This was the moment I had been anticipating for days, if not for months. But instead of the jubilant reunion I expected, Seth seemed paralyzed. Finally, he gave me a panicked smile, then looked at Molly, who was already heading to the kitchen to deposit their acquisitions, and then back at me. Then he looked at the case of beer in his hand as if he had no idea what it was or what to do with it. After a moment, he put it down and slowly closed the door behind him. Ithought I saw him take a deep breath, and then he finally turned and came toward me.
I stood up as he approached, feeling like the world’s biggest idiot. Not only was he not happy to see me, but he had a new girlfriend. I quickly took off my fishing-fly ring and thought about flinging it into the fire, but I couldn’t bear to, so I slipped it into my pocket before Seth noticed.
“Cricket.” He exhaled as he reached me, as if his emotions were coming back online after a brief power outage. He shook his head to indicate that he had a million questions he couldn’t articulate, but I knew the most pressing one was:What the hell are you doing here?
There was no way I was going to admit I was here to surprise him, that I had created an elaborate plan to seduce him (finally) and consummate what I thought was the inevitable next stage of our relationship.
“I had no idea…” Seth continued. The Seth I remembered was never ruffled like this, and it made me even more uncomfortable than I already was. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Okay.” It came out squeakily, as if my vocal cords had lost their elasticity.
“Let me just… Do you want a beer?”
“Sure.”
He held up a finger for me to wait there, and then turned and walked to the kitchen. I assumed he was buying time to figure out what to say to me. But by then, it didn’t matter what he said. Whatever fantasy I had concocted was tainted; whatever optimism I had harbored was gone.
“I guess you didn’t hear,” said Greg, popping up by my shoulder like an imp. “They’re kind of a thing.”
Kind of a thing.I felt the floor dissolve under me, but before I could react, Greg brushed off his thighs as if his work was done and wandered off to join a group in the far corner of the room. In the kitchen, I could see Molly pluck an open beer from Seth’s hand and take a flirtatious sip. I turned around and tried to focus on the flames of the fire while I waited for Seth to return and deliver the death blow.
I felt him approach before he actually appeared at my side. Just like always, I could sense his energy, as if it were flowing a few steps ahead of him, clearing the way. Seth held out a beer to me. I took it but didn’t open it; I just let my hand fall limply to my side.
“Cricket.” This time, he said my name like an apology.
“I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” said Seth. “Greg set us up earlier this week. I don’t even know her that well.”
“It seems like you know her pretty well,” I said. I felt my eyes start to burn and realized that I would need to make a quick exit in order to avoid a public meltdown. “I need to go.”
“I want to talk to you,” said Seth.
“I can’t talk now,” I choked. “I can’t talk here.”
I put my unopened beer on the mantel and headed for the front door. I caught Chloe’s eye on my way. She looked as shell-shocked as I felt. I hazily shoved my feet into my boots and grabbed my coat from the hooks by the door.
As I reached for the handle, I thought I heard Greg say something like, “I mean, what did you expect? You broke his heart.”
Once outside, I pulled out my phone to call my father, but I had no reception. I walked further out into the driveway, searching for a signal to no avail. I looked back toward the house, which seemed more imposing than it had when I arrived. There was no way I was going back in to use the landline. I had to think fast. It was probably only a matter of moments before someone—Chloe, or maybe even Seth—came out to try to coax me back inside, and no one here was sober enough to drive me home. I could walk. It was about three miles via the road that wrapped around Catwood Pond, or… I looked down toward the water. As the crow flies, it was only a mile across the ice to my house. I figured if I could swim it in the summer, I could walk it in the winter. It would be the quickest path home and was the best way to evade anyone who might try to follow me. Before I could overthink it, I started running down the hill, past the Seavey boathouse, and out onto the ice, my boots crunching the snow. I had forgotten my hat and gloves, but it didn’t matter. Theintense chill of the past few days had given way to warmer temperatures today. It was noticeable enough that I had heard my father mutter “Damn global warming” that morning. Tonight, it felt like winter had pulled a disappearing act, leaving something milder in its stead.
