“I’d probably feel the same way if I didn’t have the spa as an outlet.”
You’ve got me curious about that.” I circle back to what’s quickly becoming a new fantasy of mine. “Do you get a lot of mencomingthrough the spa?”
“I’ve never had any complaints.” Blake gives me a lecherous grin.
“So, if I had come in for that massage?” I lift my eyebrows.
“What do you think?” His eyes start to cloud with lust.
“I think I haven’t been this turned on in ages.”
***
Blake’s features are softer when he sleeps. Not that he has a hard look about him, but there’s maybe a hint of sadness in his eyes, almost like he’s lonely despite having lots of friends around him. I get that.
Traveling with Axel and the rest of our crew, I’m constantly surrounded by people. Yet only one of them really knows me.
Axel and I virtually grew up together—he lived with my family for several years—so he knows all my secrets. And my sexuality isn’t a secret per se, at least not in the sense that it’s forbidden to talk about. I just don’t broadcast it.
There aren’t many gay or bi people in the world of motocross, at least not that I’ve seen, but women are plentiful. It’s not hard to find one to share a bed with. If I bumped into a man I wanted to sleep with I wouldn’t hesitate, but since that almost never happens there hasn’t been much reason to discuss the fact that I like men, too. And maybe it makes me an asshole, but I don’t feel like I should have to. Straight people don’t have to explain themselves, so why should I?
Would the guys around me be surprised to learn I like men? Probably. Would they care? Probably not since Axel opened that door by dating Lennon. And even if they did, it wouldn't bother me. Most of them come and go with the seasons since the sponsors dictate who goes where, so if anyone did object to my lifestyle it’d be no big deal. Axel is the only constant in my life, more brother than friend, and he doesn’t care who I sleep with. He’s also careful not to bring up my sexuality unless I do, which means I’m a little like Blake in that most people around me don’t know the real me. I do have Axel though, while Blake doesn’t seem to have anyone.
That must make him feel especially isolated. No wonder he’s comfortable in his little Katah Vista bubble. Even though he’s sort of alone inside it, he probably feels less alone there around his friends and neighbors than he does in places where no one knows him at all. Still, not having anyone to confide in at all… I find myself feeling pissed off on his behalf. Not because he’s been the target of any mistreatment but because he’s so afraid of that possibility he guards who he is from everyone in his life. Except me, it would seem.
I’m grateful he trusts me enough to let me in, but that pales in comparison to how angry I am that he—that just about all of us who identify as queer—still can’t go about our lives without askingwhat ifat every turn.
I’d give anything to change that for all of us. Forhim.
Though true, I’m not sure where that thought comes from. I don’t usually have such deep thoughts about sexuality and life. As a cameraman, my mind is usually focused on lighting and angles that enhance the image rather than the meaning behind the image. Something about Blake’s situation must have triggered me, reminding me of what I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid since Axel’s friendship has meant I’ve never truly felt alone.
Blake shifts slightly, and the mattress dips under his weight. That’s not something I’m used to, but I enjoy it.I like the solid presence of another man next to me when I wake up.So does my cock, apparently. And his, if the tented sheet is any indication.
Reaching between my legs, I give myself a slow, firm tug to relieve the pressure. God, what I wouldn’t give for another night. But work calls. Axel’s competing this weekend, and I need to be there to film his run for the dirt bike movie we’re shooting. Even though it’s supposed to showcase his trail riding and not the competition circuit, the sponsors want footage to supplement what we recorded on the trails, and that means getting to the track early enough to scout out the best places to shoot.Damn, I wish we had more time.
I take my hand off my dick and brush a stray curl off Blake’s forehead.Why is that so satisfying?He stirs, eyes blinking the room into focus as he stretches his arms above his head, showing off two firm pecs with a dusting of light hair around the nipples.
“Morning.” I trail my finger over his shoulder.
“Morning. What time is it?”
“Eight. What time is your meeting today?”
“Not until ten, but I need to get back to my room and shower.”
“You could shower here. Looks like you either need a cold one, or some company.” I jerk my head towards the erection he’s sporting, and a wave of lust washes over his face.
“Should’ve woken me up earlier,” he groans, fisting himself. “I’m not sure I’ve got time. When do you have to get on the road?”
“As soon as possible. I need to be at the track before tomorrow and it’s almost a ten-hour drive.” When I told Blake I had to leave today he was disappointed, but he didn’t try to make any plans or promises for a next time. I sort of expected him to since he knows Axel is living in Katah Vista now, which gives me more reason to be there, but I guess he doesn’t want anything more than a one-night stand. I’m not even sure I can offer more, anyway.
Now that Axel has made the decision not to travel as much, myfuture is sort of in limbo, professionally speaking.
My future.
That’s not something I’ve given much thought to before now. I took it for granted, focusing on Axel and never really considering that he couldn’t ride forever. While he’s not retiring yet, it's on the horizon. He’s already decided not to make a bike movie next summer, which is my main function and the thing that occupies our time in the off season. If he decides not to make them anymore period…
What do I do when he retires completely? Do I hitch myself to another rider to film? Do I go to a network, filming entire competitions as opposed to individual riders? Do I leave motocross altogether and try to get a foothold somewhere else, like TV?
