“I think it’s only illegal if people pay for it. Although, it might be a gray area since they’re already paying for the massage? I try not to think about it too hard. I mean, it’s not like I’m running a business or anything, I just… you know… Sometimes, massages feel so good that people want more, and for years that was my only opportunity to… It wasn’t something I ever planned, it just sort of happened, and then it kept happening, and… yeah.” His ears turn a little pink beneath his shaggy hair.
Maybe I’m a dirty fucker, or maybe it’s been so long since I had mind blowing sex, but the idea of going in for a massage that ends with an orgasm is making me sorta hard.Again.
I roll to my side so I’m facing him, propping my head on my hand just like his is. “How do you know people want more?”
He shoots me a wry look. “It’s usually sort of obvious.”
I bark out a laugh. “Fair enough. Is that where you pick people up? The spa?”
“It’s sort of the only place I can do it without it being front page news.” Blake’s voice fades as he finishes talking, giving me the impression he’s embarrassed or ashamed. He doesn’t need to feel that way with me, though. Living on the road, I’ve had my fair share of convenient hookups.
I grab his free hand with mine, stroking my thumb over his to reassure him that I don’t give a shit about his past, and because I just want to touch him. “Front page news is bad? I’ve seen the way some of your friends operate, and they aren’t exactly discreet when they’re trying to get laid.”
“The obnoxious ones aren’t gay.”
I hear what he doesn’t say.I am.
“So, you’re not out. I wondered.” My finger stops moving as I try to choose my next words. “None of your friends know you’re into guys?”
“No one does.” Blake’s head shifts back and forth. “In Katah Vista, if one person knows the whole town does. It’s easier to pretend I’m not different than to bring that kind of attention into my life.”
“I’m confused. I don’t even live there, and I know of at least three queer couples who do. Are you saying the town doesn’t approve?” My thumb resumes its path over the back of his hand, wondering when the last time was that I held hands with…anyone.Fucking hell, this feels nice.
Blake watches the motion a moment before answering. “No, they do. It’s just… Right now, there are three queercouples, so if I come out, I’ll be the only single gay guy in town, just like I was growing up. I’d rather people think I’m still playing the field than pity me for not having anyone else on my field, you know.”
“Yeah, I can see how that would be an uncomfortable spot.” My thumb continues its subtle caress. “Not that I’m complaining about the fact you’re single, but why not get with the other guys who are queer when you learned about them.”
Even in the dim light I can see Blake blush. “I might’ve tried to get to know Maddox if Cade didn’t see him first, and honestly that whole thing was pretty shocking since I didn’t know Cade was bi until suddenly he was chasing a guy. Carter spent his entire first year in town in his office, so I didn’t know he was gay either until he started dating Sloan, and besides, he’s a little too polished for my taste. And Sloan… I never looked at him as more than a friend since he’s Ally’s brother and that just seemed weird.”
“You never had an interest in Lennon?”
“Honestly, until your friend Axel came along, I figured Lennon was ACE. He’s not the flirty type, and I never saw him give anyone a second look, ever.” He pauses, staring at our hands a moment before adding, “I’ll probably take a page out of Cade’s playbook and keep quiet untilI have a reason to come out. No reason to draw unnecessary attention to myself, you know?”
“But you said the town is accepting of the queer couples there.”
“They are. But none of those couples makes their living working with kids.”
“And you’re worried people wouldn’t want their kids around a gay man?”
Blake gives a noncommittal shrug. “It happens.”
“It does, yeah. But you think it would happen in Katah Vista? The way you talk about it I don’t get the impression people would be that shallow. Besides, they let Lennon near their kids, and he wears more skirts than any of the women in town,” I reference Lennon’s unique style, “I can’t imagine they’d balk about a gay man teaching their kids how to ride a mountain bike.”
“Intentionally, they probably wouldn’t. But people might still say‘Blake, the gay mountain bike coach’instead of just‘Blake, the mountain bike coach.’ Even something as innocent as that can single me out. I felt different enough growing up, still do if I’m honest, but as long as I don’t call attention to why I’m different then—I hope—no one catches on, so no one has a reason to pull their kids from my class.”
“You seriously think that would happen?” I have my doubts, but I’ve got nothing except a good first impression of the town to back that up. Even if I’m right, Blake clearly has some unresolved fears about his sexuality, and it’s not my place to downplay or dismiss those.
His shoulder lifts awkwardly. “I don’tthinkso, but I’m not ready to find out. Maybe if this job building the bike park comes to fruition I’ll feel better about coming out since it’ll secure my job in the industry even if I’m not coaching. Until then… That’s why the spa thing is perfect, you know. I get to fulfill my needs without the scrutiny.”
“So, you meet all yourneedsthere?” I try to lighten the mood, shooting him a coy smile as he finally takes his eyes off our hands.
“When you say it like that it sounds shady.” Another wave of red creeps across his cheeks.
“No more than hooking up with fans we meet on the road, I imagine. I’ve never had any male fans hit me up, though.”
“Does that mean you’re in the closet?” He holds his breath, waiting for my answer.
I chew my lip, searching for the best way to answer. “Not exactly. It’s not something I keep secret, but it’s never come up before so most of the guys have only ever seen me with women. Axel knows, though. I’d probably go a little crazy if I felt like I had to keep that secret from him.”
