ME:Don’t answer that!
ME:I promise the madness is almost over. But I could really use your help on Saturday. It should be the final push!
HARLEY:I’m in!
HARLEY:So is Nick
JACK:I’ll be there, obviously.
GEMMA:If this is ACTUALLY THE LAST ONE then of course I’ll be there
ME:Yay! You guys can meet Lucy, Bridge and Blooms’ first official employee!
GEMMA:What are we, MySpace?
ME:Sorry, Bridge and Blooms’ first paid employee!
ME:And I promise to treat you all to dinner and drinks when we’re done!
NICK:I think you mean dinner and drinks until the end of time.
ME:SILENT partner.
Seventeen
I wrap my handaround a stray weed and yank it out of the dirt, using so much force I actually fall back on my heels. Righting myself, I toss the discarded stem into my trash pile and move on to the next one. Unfortunately, I apparently take too good care of the brownstone’s backyard garden, because hardly any weeds remain, and I need to take my anger out on something.
Maybe not anger. Frustration. Exhaustion. Anxiety. I’m bone-weary and full of self-doubt.
The store is mostly ready and everything is coming together, but the past couple of weeks have been the hardest of my life. I spent more time than I’d like to admit sitting on the floor in the center of the shop, head in my hands, tears pouring down my face.
I thought the recent success of Bridge and Blooms had prepared me for running my own business, but trying to open a storefront has been about a million times harder than I thought it’d be. I’m so, sotired. And I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know why I ever thought I could do it.
I yank off my gardening gloves and shove my hands into the cold soil. The dirt clumps around my fingers, and the smell of earth fills my nose, grounding me. I close my eyes and force myself to take three long breaths.
Pushing up off the ground, I shake my hands clean and collapse into a patio chair. The dirt stuck under my nails is a welcome departure from the manicured perfection I felt I needed to maintain at my old job, but as the store gets closer to its official opening, I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake leaving behind a stable industry for the huge risk that is Bridge and Blooms.
It’s chilly outside, but the weeding has warmed me. I know I have a to-do list as long as my arm, but I can’t make myself stand and go inside, the comfort of being outside in the garden like a cozy blanket wrapping around me.
A mug appears in front of my face.
“You doing all right?” Jack drops into the chair next to me.
I take a small sip of my latte, knowing the appearance of being okay is more important right now than the coffee. “I’m fine.”
“Tell me what I can do to help, Sade. Put me to work.”
“It’s fine. I’ve got it all under control.” My grip on the mug tightens, my knuckles bearing the brunt of my tension.
Jack leans forward. “It’s okay if you don’t, you know.”
“It’s not, actually. I don’t have time to not have everything under control because my store opens in a matter of days, and I somehow roped one of my best friends into investing a huge chunk of moneyinto a business that hasn’t been around nearly long enough to justify such a ridiculous amount of money and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be out of business in a year, and then Bridge and Blooms will be a total bust and I’ll have to try to find a job in finance so I can be miserable for the rest of my life, and I knew I wasn’t ready for this.” I set my mug on the table and lean forward, letting my head fall between my knees and forcing myself to take deep breaths. “I was stupid to think I’d end up anywhere other than failure.”
He doesn’t say anything, but his warm palm lands on my back, rubbing slow, calming circles.
Eventually, I sit up and Jack’s hand drifts down to take mine in his. “Can I actually do this, Jack?”
He scoots his chair closer to mine, squeezing my hand. “I can’t answer that for you, sweet pea. Self-doubt is normal when you’re taking on something new.” He places a soft kiss on my lips. “I believe you can do this, but you have to believe too.”
