ME:Also, it’s in your best interest to help out, remember?
NICK:I seem to recall you placing a lot of emphasis on the silent bit in “silent partner.”
ME:Yeah, we need you to silently move stuff while we tell you where to put it.
JACK:Nick. Please come. Save me.
NICK:Fine, but I’d like it noted for the record that I’m showing up for Jack, and only Jack.
ME:Yeah yeah. You love each other, we know.
GEMMA:We’ve been back in school for two days and I already hate my life so I’ll be there but only if I can drink while we work.
NICK:Yeah, that’s a huge liability so that’s gonna be a no.
GEMMA:What happened to silent?
JACK:I’m bringing you dinner, what do you want?
ME:You don’t have to do that, I’m almost done, swear.
JACK:Yeah, I know how that goes. Almost done means two more hours.
JACK:Did you eat lunch?
ME:I had a bag of pretzels and a Gatorade, which totally hits all the main food groups.
JACK:...
ME:Pizza sounds amazing, thanks, babe!
JACK:I’ll see you in twenty minutes.
ME:Could you also bring a level? I’m trying to hang some shelves.
JACK:You got it.
ME:And now that you mention dinner I’m kind of hungry. Could you also get a salad? And cheesy garlic bread?
ME:And maybe some cheesecake?
JACK:Already ordered all of that
ME:God you’re amazing. You’re so getting laid tonight.
JACK:Lol. We both know you’ll be asleep before your head fully hits the pillow.
ME:You’re probably right. Fuck. Sorry.
ME:I’m like the worst new girlfriend ever. Sorry I’m such an asshole.
JACK:Stop talking about my amazing, determined, driven, funny-as-fuck, super-hot girlfriend like that.
ME:I love you.
JACK:I love you too. See you soon.
ME:Hi, friends! Sick of me yet?
