ME:You already contribute way more to this friendship, dude. The power imbalance is wild.
JACK:What are you talking about?
ME:You’re the one bringing everything to the table here.
JACK:Sadie.
JACK:You don’t actually think that.
ME:Them’s the facts, Jack.
JACK:The offer stands if you need me.
HARLEY:So we went out to dinner with Nick’s parents last weekend...
ME:AND?
GEMMA:Did you double-check to make sure he’s not on this thread?
HARLEY:Like ten times.
ME:OK AND???????
HARLEY:And it was great. His mom said, “We were wondering if the two of you were ever going to get your shit together.”
ME:Awwwww yay!
GEMMA:I call dibs on the KitchenAid mixer!
HARLEY:Haha.
GEMMA:You think I’m joking. One of Nick’s rich-ass friends can buy you a new one for your wedding
ME:I’m so happy for you, Harley!
GEMMA:Me too! I promise those aren’t sobs of loneliness and abandonment you’re hearing coming from my room every night.
ME:Sooooooooooooooo
ME:Remember when I was all like I don’t need your help and I’m a strong independent woman and I refuse to rely on a man?
JACK:I don’t recall those exact words, but yes, I remember the general conversation.
ME:I really need your help.
ME:Please.
ME:Pretty please.
ME:With a cherry on top.
ME:I’ll buy you drinks if you come to the bar tonight!
JACK:I’m just putting a shirt on, I’ll be right there.
ME:Hmmm. Shirtless floral delivery, you might have something there.
Ten
