“What?”
“Oh, just wondering to myself how you can sit here and say that, when you know people have told me things. Things that make your last sentence complete and utterbullshit. Because you’ve already done shit to intentionally hurt me.”
“I genuinely don’t know what you’re—”
“Shelby!” I yell. My friend’s name rattles down the valley to town, repeating in a cacophony of echoes to haunt me. The pain of hearing it repeatedly is almost worth it, because Denver looks like he’s ready to throw himself off the cliff. And, even though I know I would jump immediately after him, a part of me wants the satisfaction of his cries reverberating in the canyon.
“What the fuck about Shelby? You thought that wouldn’t hurt me?” I’m breathing fire, and still he doesn’t back away. “You thought I wouldn’t care about that? Guess what, Denver. Ifuckingcared.”
“I can explain.”
I tilt my head, waiting to hear what garbage he spews before I fully unleash every emotion I’ve bottled up over the years. Ready to drop the act, lose the smile I’ve worn whilelistening to people talk about my ex like his behavior should be a funny joke to me.
“Well, the explanation is shit. But, honestly, I didn’t think you were ever coming back. You were gonefourteen years. A full fucking decade of sleepless nights, of drunk phone calls from any number but mine so I could hear your sleepy voice, of driving up here on the hard days so I could scream at the top of my lungs.” He rubs quickly at his eyes, and when his hands fall on top of mine, I don’t pull away. I remember the calls in the middle of the night with nobody on the other end of the phone—in fact, I eventually changed my number, paranoid I had a stalker. The calls stopped after that, of course. Now knowing it was him, the knot in my stomach cinches tighter.
His thumb rubs across the back of my hand. “Shelby and I never had sex, for the record. Just drinking, dancing, kissing. And I know that’s still not right. I shouldn’t have slept with anyone, or even fuckinglookedat anyone. If there was a single shred of hope left in me that you’d come back, I would’ve held out for as long as I needed to.”
“I didn’t expect you to take a vow of celibacy. But, come on…. She’s one of my friends. I don’t get why you thought it was a good idea, if you’ve really cared about me all this time.”
There’s a slow bob of his throat and he gnaws at the inside of his cheek. “I wish I could say I made better choices over the last decade. You might not have asked for celibacy but, damn, would I love to tell you there’s been no one since you. And I knew Shelby was a bad idea, which is why I didn’t let it go any farther…fuck,I should’ve stayed away altogether.”
I shake one of his hands away so I’m free to dab at the corner of my eye to stop the stupid, dramatic, unnecessary tear from falling. Lord knows, I’ve cried enough over him.
“I’m sorry. For Shelby. For every other girl. The last thing I wanted was to do anything that would hurt you again. I fucked up, and I understand if you don’t trust me, but I canswear on my dead mom’s grave—which isliterallyright where we are now—it’s only ever been you for me.”
“Why?” I squint to make out his face through blurred vision and stinging eyes. “Why me, when I wasn’t willing to give you the life you wanted?”
“I only wanted a life with you, Bear.” The nickname rolls off his tongue and sends my stomach somersaulting with it. “I’m painfully uninterested in any future that doesn’t involve you.”
“How many girls have you brought up here?” I ask, praying for the answer I need.
“Nobody knows about this place. This is where I come when I need to scream or swear or throw things off the cliff. When joking and laughing through the pain isn’t cutting it.”
A tear falls from my jaw, ricocheting off my bare thigh. “I shouldn’t have left.”
“If you hadn’t gone away to school, this town would be forever stuck with Brickham as the only medical care. And I’m definitely biased, but you’re better than he could ever hope to be.” His smile matches mine, small yet genuine, only he has deep dimples in both cheeks. “So I lost you, but it was for the greater good.”
“You’re such a martyr.” I drop his hand. “You said you come out here to scream?”
“Sometimes.”
Placing my palm against his firm chest, I give him a push back and hop off the tailgate. The ground’s made up of reddish rock, which crumbles underfoot, and I gingerly walk toward the cliff’s edge. The closer I get, the more hair every wind gust is able to grab and twist.
Smoothing a hand over my wild locks, I take a deep breath and scream. As loud as I can, until my lungs are aching and my throat is on fire. I scream even when tears stream down my face, and I scream even when Denver grabs my hand and joins me. Our voices fill the valley, and soon it feels like theair in my lungs has been replaced with helium. The weight I’ve been quietly shouldering for months has disappeared, and if it weren’t for the man holding tight to my hand, I might float away.
He turns to me when I’ve stopped to catch my breath, reaching with his free hand to wipe the wetness from my cheeks. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
The warmth of his touch makes my heart thunder in my chest like a zoo animal rattling the bars of its enclosure.
Fuck my fears—my heart is screwed anyway.
I grab a fistful of his shirt in my free hand and yank him toward me. Wasting no time, my mouth finds its way to his, and Denver wraps his arms snug around my waist. His tongue drifts along my lips, parting them, allowing a soft moan to escape me. He steals my breath and my thoughts and my bones with an explorative kiss. When he pulls back for air, there’s a wisp of space between us. Our foreheads touch and, for the first time in years, my entire body relaxes with a deep exhale.
Blair
“Can I be honest for five seconds?” I ask breathlessly.
“Always.”
