If looks could kill, I’d be telekinetically tossing him off the cliff. “I’m notpretending.”
“Bullshit.” His voice echoes in the beer bottle, and in my skull.
“Sorry, do you want to talk about who among us isn’t managing life well?” The label would’ve peeled in one clean strip, if I wasn’t suddenly shaking. I cram the small piece of ripped paper into my pocket and glare at him. “I have responsibilities, Denver. Yeah, it fuckingsuckssometimes, but there’s no sense crying about it. Crying isn’t going to change the fact that my mom’s slowly forgetting her whole life. It’s not going to change the fact that I left my job, apartment, and friends to move back here. It’sdefinitelynot going to take any work off my plate. I think my method of keeping my head down and quietly handling shit is a lot more mature than partying and sleeping with every girl in town.”
I pray he didn’t notice the way my voice cracked at the end of that last sentence.
I shut my eyes, taking a long, calming yoga breath. And when I finally work up the nerve to look at him, expecting to see him ready to throw down, Denver’s just smiling at me.
“See? Was a little bit of honesty so hard?” His bottle clinks against mine. “All I was getting at is you don’t need to pretend like you have it all together. Not around me. I know you well enough to know when you’re faking it.”
I shake my head. “You don’t know me—”
“That’s also how I know you weren’t lying in your office the other day.”
Did the sun crank the heat right up?I tug at the hem of my shirt, desperate for a light breeze, anything to help with the sudden hot flash I’m experiencing. His predatory gaze nearly has me tripping over myself to get to him, to sit on his lap like I did in Colt’s truck. That night it took everything in me not to invite him into my bed, and yet he was still there—not literally, but figuratively, Denver was there. He was the throbbing pulse between my legs when I lay in my bed alone. And the memory of his hand grabbing my belt buckle on the dance floor, and of him toying with the inseam of my jeans, was the reason I came so hard I screamed into a pillow.
But I can deal with the hallucination version, because he won’t break my heart. The real deal is far messier.
“Denver, I can’t…” When his face falls, I add, “I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression by asking for a ride. I really missed having you as a friend, but I’m not the kind of girl who has casual flings.”
Five seconds ofdishonesty.
Casual is all I’ve been for the past decade. But staring at him here, with the setting sun illuminating the gold streaks in his eyes, I know I can’t do that with him, as much as I’d like to. The lovelorn piece of me can’t handle it.
Then his downtrodden expression turns into a dimpled smile. “You think that’s what I want?”
“I mean…yeah. It’s what you do, right?” I throw my hands up. “It’s a small town, and for some ungodly reason, people thought I should hear about every girl you slept with while I was away. It was a lot.”
Both a lot, in terms of numbers, and a lot, in terms of the effects every story had on my mental health.
“So when you mentioned me doing thingsto women,you weren’t talking about the murders? Good,good.”
“Denver, please.” I roll my eyes.
“They usually beg for their lives more convincingly than that.”
Typical.Change the subject by turning this whole thing into a joke the exact moment I try to get serious.
“Okay, I’m not having this conversation with you then. Forget I said it, and take me home.”
“Sorry, I’ll quit fucking around.” He drags a slow hand down his face with a groan. “I really hate this place sometimes, ya know?”
“Same.”
“I didn’t know things would get back to you…. I also didn’t think you’d care, if I’m being honest. You actively avoided me when you came to visit—people told me things too, Blair. I know you did everything you could to avoid seeing me. Then you didn’t move back after graduation like you said you would.”
“Why would I move back? For what? You were the only reason I ever planned to, and you’d moved on.” A tremor racks my body, and I chew my bottom lip to keep from crying while I frantically turn away from him. My calf smacks into the tailgate when I swing my legs down and a curse slips out under my breath. My eyes flit from treetop to treetop, intentionally avoiding looking anywhere in his direction.
The fucker notices, too, because the truck rocks with themovement of his weight, and he jumps off. Then he’s standing in front of me, caramel and chocolate eyes studying every movement in my face.
“There’s no moving on from you. Not then, now, ever.”
I scoff. “Now I’m calling bullshit. All the other girls—”
“Weren’t anything serious. You were my first love, and you’ll be my last. I’m done. I found the girl when I was thirteen, and I haven’t been serious about anyone since. I’m not looking for a quick fuck with you, Blair. The younger me messed up, but I would never do something to intentionally hurt you.”
“Thefuckingaudacity,” I mutter under my breath. Wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, except he has time and time again, whether he knows it or not.
