"I want you away from here," he said."Immediately.Tomorrow.I do not care what explanation you give Sedge. Make up whatever lie you wish, or tell the truth if you will. But I want you away from here. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, my lord," she whispered.
He stared at her for a long moment. At least, she assumed he stared. She still could not see his face clearly. She looked back, so terribly miserable that she could not even cry or say anything to defend herself any longer.
He reached for her suddenly. "Oh God, Jane!" he said viciously. It was almost like a curse. "Jane." He pulled her roughly against him and his arms came about her like iron bands, squeezing the air from her lungs. "What a monster I am. There is a good explanation for this, is there not? She came to you?"
"Yes," she said dully.
"She was miserable because I punished her?"
"Not for that reason only," Jane said. "She is terrified of losing your love.And terrified that you will marry Honor."
"Oh God," he said.
"She is not sure that she is lovable," she said. "I could not turn her away. I did not want to do so. But I did intend to take her back once she was soundly asleep. I fell asleep." Her voice was quite toneless. "I am sorry, my lord. I know you must have been quite frantic."
"Jane," he said. "Jane, you have so much love in you—for my children."
He pulled his head back to look down at her and then lowered it toward hers. His arms tightened again and his lips brushed hers. His mouth was open. But it was the merest suggestion of a touch. He shuddered and put her sharply away from him. He turned his back on her and put a hand up to his face.
"You must go, Jane," he said. "I am appalled at my own lack of hospitality. I have never before ordered a guest from my house. But you must go before I do you some mischief. And I do not want you back here when you are married to Sedge. I don't want to see you again. Not for a long while, anyway. Make what excuses you must, but send him here alone when he comes. Or keep him away too. I want you to leave tomorrow. I shall make arrangements for a carriage and servants to protect you on your journey if you go alone. Tomorrow, Jane.Or today, rather.You must go."
"Yes," she said. Her voice sounded surprisingly calm to her own ears. "Make the arrangements, my lord, and let me know through the servants or Joseph. I will say good-bye now."
He wheeled around. "Good-bye?" he said. "Yes.Good-bye, Jane." He took a deep breath. "Thank you for caring for my daughters. Even at the risk of your life yesterday afternoon. Be happy. Please."
He held out his hand to her, but he withdrew it again before she could react, turned abruptly, and left the room without another word.
Jane closed her eyes.The end.No more.Never again.She would never set eyes on him again. Never hear his voice. Never touch him.
Never.Not ever.For all eternity.
She could not cry.
Chapter Sixteen
Honor declined the pleasure of accompanying Jane to the nursery the next morning to bid farewell to the children. She declared her intention of taking her leave of the adults instead.Sedgeworthwas in the breakfast room with his sister and brother-in-law. Honor did not stay long there before going to the library, where she had been told Fairfax was already busy. When she came from there,Sedgeworthwas pacing the hallway.
"Ah, Mr.Sedgeworth," she said gaily for the benefit of the butler and one footman who were also there, "do escort me to the rose garden. I shall be cooped up in a carriage for two days. I simply must have some fresh air and exercise first. I have half an hour, I believe, before the carriage has been summoned."
He bowed and offered his arm. "I am sorry your visit has to be cut short like this," he said as they stepped down onto the cobbled terrace.
"I do not really understand it," she said, taking his arm. With the other she held and twirled the inevitable parasol, a blue one this time to match her muslin dress. "Why is he letting her go?"
"Several events have happened quite suddenly," he said. "They probably need some time apart before coming to any decision about their future."
"We were not wrong, Joseph, were we?" she asked. "I am quite sure that they love each other."
"Yes," he said. "I believe you are right. But we cannot interfere further. They must decide for themselves now what they will do."
"Well, I think it a horrid inconvenience," Honor said, "that Jane and I have to leave like this. Until Lord Fairfax insisted on sending for his carriage this morning, we were going to travel by the mail coach. Imagine! Mama would have had a fit of the vapors when she heard."
He touched briefly the hand that lay on his arm as he led her through the archway into the rose garden. "I shall miss you," he said."Both of you."
"Will you, Joseph?" she asked, looking up at him and forgetting for the moment to twirl the parasol. "I thought you might be glad to be rid of me. I was dreadfully forward yesterday, was I not?"
"I was honored, my dear," he said. His eyes twinkled suddenly."What a delightful pun, though quite unintentional.Did you mean what you said?"
