"Oh yes," she said airily. "I really do love you. And I mean to have you if I can. Consider yourself fairly warned, Joseph. Of course, I suppose I will not have the chance if you do not come to see me again."
He took the parasol from her hand and fumbled with the handle until he had closed it. He tossed it onto the grass at their feet and took both her hands in his. "I will certainly come to see you, Honor," he said. "I shall be in London next week when Joy and Wallace return home. I cannot say more than that now. My mind is still in a whirl from the breaking of my betrothal and my loss of Jane. I truly am fond of her, you see."
"Of course you are," she said soothingly. "And she is fond of you too, Joseph. But you do not love her, do you?"
He smiled slowly. "I do not quite know this term love that you young ladies use so earnestly," he said. "You are very beautiful, dear, and very full of vitality. And you have a lively and intelligent mind too when you choose to use it. I find myself attracted to you. But just yesterday, dear, I was planning marriage to your cousin. I cannot be sure of the state of my heart so soon afterward."
"You are very cautious," she said, frowning suspiciously at him. "Are you telling me as gently as you can that you want none of me? If so, I wish you would come out and say so, so that I might the sooner persuade myself that I do not care a fig for you and start looking about me again."
He could not suppress a laugh. "You would too, would you not?" he said. "I think that after all you are in many ways more sensible and practical than Jane. No, Honor, I am not trying to tell you anything. I am telling you as truthfully as I can that I believe I might grow fond of you, that I know I may find myself unwilling to go on in life without you at my side. I just need a little time, dear. Do I ask too much?"
She smiled brightly. "Oh no," she said. "I know that you will miss me when I am gone. And when I see you again next week, I shall dazzle you with a new gown and tease you with the names of all the admirers who have been pursuing me since my return. And you will admit then that you love me as I love you. Kiss me now or the carriage will be ready and there will be no time for it."
"I should not take such liberties until I can feel ready to offer for you," he said gently. He reached out and touched her cheek lightly with his fingers.
To his surprise, tears sprang to Honor's eyes. "Yesterday I was forced to kiss you," she said. "And you were behaving with such loyalty to Jane that I might as well have kissed a marble statue. You did not move a muscle. Am I going to have to kiss you again? I need to feel wanted, Joseph. Just a little bit. I know you do not quite love me yet or wish to marry me, and I know that perhaps you will not. But I have to leave you within the next few minutes, and I feel miserable about it. I want to feel your arms around me so that I can cry a little and not have to be forever putting on this show of being lighthearted and not having a care in the world."
She really did not need to end this monologue. Even before she had finished speaking, his arms were tightly about her and one hand had gone to the back of her head to bring it against hisneckcloth. And she could not have continued the speech. Her voice was already wobbling almost beyond her control.
"Oh, my dear,"Sedgeworthsaid, "I am a selfish, unfeeling brute, am I not?"
"Ye-e-es," Honor wailed.
"Of course I love you," he said, his cheek against her hair. "Oh, of course I love you, Honor, you little imp of mischief. How could I possibly not? But I am being selfish. Quite honestly, I am terrified. I have never felt this way before, have always somehow scorned people who did. I am very fond of Jane, but I chose her with my head. I know she would be a good companion and wife. With you I am being pulled by the heart, and I am frightened of the vow it is calling me to make. But of course I love you. And when you have finished crying and soaking myneckcloth, I am going to kiss you. But you might be sorry. It will not be a gentle or passionless kiss."
Honor raised an eager face to his, wet cheeks and red eyes notwithstanding. "Is that a promise?" she asked.
"Imp!" he said. "I will never again know a moment's quietpeace if I marry you, willI?"
"I shall try my best to see that you don't," she said, beaming. "I promise, Joseph."
He kissed her then and was every bit as ungentle and passionate as he had threatened to be.
Honor clung to his neck when it was over. "Must I go now?" she asked wistfully.
"I think it is time we walked back," he said. "The carriage will be here soon, and I must say good-bye to Jane." He stooped to pick up her parasol and gave her his arm again. "Are you very dejected, love? I am too, you know. But a week is not a very long time. I shall come to speak with your papa as soon as I return."
"Will you?" she asked, her eyes lighting up. "Oh, I do love you, Joseph. And that is very surprising, really. I always swore that I would marry only a very handsome man."
She giggled whenSedgeworthsuddenly shouted with laughter.
Lord Dart's children were just getting ready to go walking with their governess when Jane entered the nursery. They all hugged her and badeher anoisy farewell before leaving. The nurse was bustling around tidying the room. Claire was standing in the middle of the floor, large solemn eyes watching the loud departure, thumb in mouth. Amy sat at a table, a book open before her.
"Up," Claire said, raising her arms when she realized that Jane was looking at her.
Jane picked her up and hugged her. "Where is Dolly today?" she asked.
"Dolly sleep," said Claire.
"Are you going to give me a hug and a kiss?" Jane asked. "I have to leave very soon."
Claire hugged Jane's neck and offered puckered lips to be kissed. "Aunt Janegoaway?" she asked.
"Yes, sweetheart," Jane said, drinking in the sight of the pretty little face and the soft blond curls.
"Come back 'morrow?"
"No," Jane said. "I can't come back, sweetheart. Aunt Jane has to go far, far away."
