I swear havinga crush is like being stuck on a rollercoaster of emotions. Highs and lows. Belly dropping and heart pounding emotions we are too young to be experiencing or trying to understand. At least that’s what society convinces you.
You can’t possibly love someone at such an immature age. Its fleeting, childish, more infatuation. If it were to work, it most certainly won’t last.
How could you truly know who or what you want when you aren’t even legal?
I’m not afraid to admit that I had a crush on Cooper when I was a kid. I even told him I loved him when I was ten.
But that was just infatuation, displaced feelings because we spent all our time together.
Sophomore year of high school, when Izzy rushed to the cafeteria table, giddy to tell me that Dylan Martin had a crush on me, I gravitated toward the high of knowing someone liked me. He was cute. Curly blond hair with a crooked smile. Recently got his braces off, had an ear pierced, and into snowboarding.
We started dating a week later.
It lasted all of seven months—but that was a record among my friends. No one else had surpassed the five-month mark.Maybe that’s why we ended, Dylan always thought he was hotter shit than he was. The school bell hadn’t even rung the morning he strolled up to my locker and announcedI’m dumping youway too casually.
When I asked for an explanation, he laughed and sauntered away back to his friends, who were all laughing. The hallway went silent, and all eyes were on me. I was devastated. Colossally embarrassed. I could never show my face in school again.
Spinning on my heels, ready to ditch school, he caught me. Arms on each of my shoulders.
“Hey. Hey, Dave. It’s okay,” he consoled me.
“I’m fine.” I wasn’t. Lips wobbling, tears ready to spill, shoulders curled in. I tugged on a curl, till Cooper took my hand.
I clung to him, and he let me for days. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for us to be glued together. But this was different. Our dynamic had shifted, and that’s when the questioning started: did Cooper finally feel the same way about me?
Spoiler alert: he didn’t, and I learned the hard way.
He hurt me. Shattered my heart, and ruined our friendship along with it.
Through it, I still loved him because I couldn’t figure out how to get off that damn rollercoaster. If I couldn’t get off, then I might as well channel those emotions into something else.
What’s the opposite of love? Hate.
Love to hate, and friends to rivals.
Everything after became a competition. We were already competitive people at our core, but this was different. Cooper would find every single opportunity to spite me. Academics, athletics, extracurriculars, college, friends, and even chores. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without him being right there.
It annoyed me.
Cooper became a festering wound.
If I could go back, I wouldn’t. A part of me hates myself for succumbing to all of it so easily…but that reflection can be saved for another rainy day to dissect.
I’m still trying to dissect the fact that he didn’t start the rumor. If he didn’t, who did? And why would he lie about it?
Dr. Manning flips around a tablet with an article about burnout pulled up. “I thought this would be more beneficial for you to read this week. The other reading is outdated in my opinion.”
I change the brightness and tug the tablet into my lap. “Thank you,” I say, diving into the article. When a sentence rings with a new idea to try with Cooper, I pause, hurrying to grab my notebook and pen. I take frivolous notes, layering the page with sticky notes.
It takes me another thirty minutes to work through the article. When I come up for air, Dr. Manning is grinning at me. Soft and gentle.
“Have I ever told you that you remind me of myself when I was your age?” she asks, arms folded on her desk.
“No?” I ask, lit up like a Christmas tree. “Really?”
Deep auburn hair, almost brown, that frames her face and shoulders in loose waves moves when she nods. Dr. Manning relaxes into her desk chair. “I, too, was an eager learner. A sponge for any and all bits of information.”
“My mom calls me that. La mia spugnetta.”
