“Yeah. My timing is shitty.”
She had a theory about that, and it hurt. “Maybe deliberately so.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s easy to say you’d want another chance with me after I effectively close the door on that, and after a year of me being right where you left me.”
He rubbed his chest. “That’s a direct hit.”
“Don’t play with my heart, Brent.”
“I’m not.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“Showing you that you still have mine.”
Oh, no. She didn’t want that burden. Fuck. She spun on her heel and walked away from him, heading into the living room.
He followed. “I will always love you, even if I never have you ever again. I’m not sure I’m going to ever get over how I have fucked up my life. I have no doubt you will move on, and be happy. And maybe one day I’ll move on and be happy, too, but—”
She stopped in the hallway, suddenly furious. “Don’t tell me that you can’t fall in love again. That’s cruel.”
“Fuck, Jess. I don’t know what to do here.”
She should tell him to go. She should push him out the door, for both of their sakes. Instead she rolled her head to the side and groaned. “We’re a mess.”
“More me than you.”
“I wish that were true.”
“What does that mean?”
She threw her hands up in the air. “What do you think it means? Yes, I wanted you to kiss me.”
His exhale was so rough it was a whole, wounded sound.
“I’m not taking you back. I’m leaving.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“But I love you, too. Messily. With all sorts of complications. And I haven’t moved on, as much as I’ve tried, so…”
The look of hope on his face destroyed her.
Fuck. “I dunno. We could spend some time together, I guess. Not kissing.”Not yet.
“We should.”
“And not—” At home, she was about to say. The word was wrong on the tip of her tongue, though. The place they used to live together, the place where he left her to figure shit out all by herself, this memorial to grief. “Not here.”
He grimaced. “Neutral ground?”
“Yeah.”
“Just the two of us on neutral ground. Hmmm.” The way he said hmmm, like he was really thinking about the best option, like he was putting serious consideration into how they could reconnect, did good things for her soul. “Do you want to go camping? Reservations for the provincial parks are open. I could book something up north in a couple of weeks.”
“A couple of weeks?” So much for optimism. “I was thinking coffee again, tomorrow night, but if that’s the kind of pace you want to take—”
