Chapter 14
Nicholas shoved his blowpipe into the fire and glared at the dancing orange flames.Normally, nothing was as calming as blowing glass or crafting an intricate mold.This morning, he was far from calm.He had bolloxed things with Penelope.
He had wanted their first lovemaking to be perfect.Slow, gentle, romantic.Instead it had been fast and carnal.They hadn’t paused to kick their shoes off, much less get undressed.And as soon as it was over, they were done.Goodbye.
For a rake, that specific sequence of events was often considered an ideal encounter.It was not what Nicholas had wanted to give Penelope at all.He wasn’t certain how he felt to discover that it was all she had wanted from him.
Oh, very well, he knew exactly how he felt.
Miserable.
He gathered molten glass onto the tip of his blowpipe and sighed.
Penelope was marvelous.Smart and sensual, funny and logical.A scientist and a surprise.Any man would be lucky to have her.Nicholas preferred that the man in question… be him.But he couldn’t blame her for turning him away.
What had he offered her?Not one night, but two?How generous of him.Imbecile.She should have made him exit through the chimney.
He locked the molten glass inside the clay mold and began to blow.It was all his lungs were good for.What could he have said to Penelope?The more he opened up, the more he risked being found not good enough.
As a rake, he was more than serviceable.He was splendid.London knew what to expect, and Saint Nick delivered.
As Nicholas the bachelor glassblower, however, he became an oddity.A hobby that would raise no eyebrows for a man outside thebeau mondewould make Nicholas a laughingstock.
He would not offer Penelope a laughingstock.Nor had he any intention of forcing her to mix with his fast London crowd.Not that it mattered.He had already been dismissed.
He snapped his blowpipe from the clay mold.Was he cleaving to the persona of Saint Nick for Penelope’s sake, or for his own safety?Just because something was easy didn’t mean it was right.Or good.
Devil take it, he didn’t want two nights with this woman.He wantedallthe nights.Now unto infinity.
He dropped his head into his hands and groaned.He was in love, damn it all.And he only had two days left in Christmas.Time was disappearing fast.
He was going to have to tell her.
His legs shook as he jumped from the stool.Declaring himself to a woman was possibly the most terrifying undertaking he had ever attempted in his life, but Penelope was worth it.His heart thumped.They were a good match.She had to feel it, too.
He retrieved two molds from a hidden shelf.This was his gift.He had made them for her, and this was the perfect moment to deliver them.He cracked open the molds and carefully withdrew two glass figurines.
Turtledoves.One-of-a-kind, just like Penelope.Delicate to the eye.Stronger than they looked.The perfect gift to bring when informing a woman that one had fallen in love with her.
He hoped.
His muscles twitched.He’d never been in such a position.No one had ever loved him, chosen him, wanted him to stay.He knew not to expect too much.
But Penelope was worth the risk.What they were building was real.Not some temporary distraction, but a relationship based on mutual respect, honesty, and the sheer joy of each other’s company.Only a fool would walk away without trying to make it last.
He set the birds down just long enough to put the smithy to rights, then started for the road.
To label himself nervous would be a gross understatement.Penelope was clever.If she returned his affection, he would be vindicated.If she didn’t… Then he supposed he really was the shallow, otherwise useless rake he had always pretended to be.
He tilted the top of his head into the wind and strode faster.The one thing that scared him more than rejection was missing the opportunity to try.
She was stepping onto her front stoop just as he turned up her walk.
His insides warmed, and an involuntary smile curved his lips.The sight of her always made him happy.He could not fathom where she might have been at this hour of the morning.
He caught up with her as she was about to shut the door.
She did not move aside.Or invite him in.Or smile.
