Chapter 13
Noelle awoke alone. When she stretched her arm out toward Benjamin, there was nothing beside her but cold linen and an empty bed. Her breath shuddered.
The wind outside whistled through cracks between the windowpanes, indicating the weather outside was as turbulent as her heart. She pushed her leaden feet off the edge of the bed and forced herself to the window. The glass was almost covered in frost. Snow was falling too deep and fast for any tracks to be visible in the streets below. There was no sign of Benjamin.
Perhaps he was halfway to London. Perhaps he was just down the corridor in his chamber, arranging for his trunk to be loaded into his carriage. Preparing to abandon her a second time. Her fingers shook with panic.
She forced her gaze from the window and sucked in a deep breath. Benjamin was incapable of abandoning her. Only someone who had made a commitment to stay could abandon another person. They had both been careful to make no such statements. There had been no promises. Benjamin was behaving exactly as he had warned from the start. If she didn’t want her heart broken, it had been up to her to prevent it from becoming involved.
Besides, his departure today had nothing to do with last night, she reminded herself. A duke like Benjamin had duties, responsibilities, all sorts of things that were more important than her. Noelle’s stomach twisted. Who knew? Maybe her parents had also had better things to do. More important priorities than keeping an unwanted daughter. She should be used to being alone by now. Of course Benjamin must return to his real life.
A life that didn’t include her.
She touched her trembling fingers to her chest. The golden locket did not feel cold, but warm. Heated from her flesh, her dreams, this nightmare. It seemed to pulse against her skin as if it had a heartbeat of its own.
By giving her the locket, Benjamin had given up the thing that he loved most. Surely she was strong enough to do the same. No matter how it hurt. After all, that was the deal she had made. One night. Nothing more.
With listless movements, she cleaned her face at the basin and put on a day gown. She did not feel like freshening up or going anywhere at all. But what she wanted even less was a protracted goodbye with the man she loved.
Having to stand before him as he made his rejection official would be more than she could bear. Even if she’d known to expect it all along.
She wrapped herself in her warmest pelisse and fled from her bedchamber, from the castle, from anywhere she might spy Benjamin leaving her for good. That was the only defense she had left.
If they did not say goodbye, if the words were never spoken, perhaps it would be as though their parting had never happened. As if their story was not yet over. As if she could hold onto a small part of last night, a small part ofhimforever.
Even if it was all a lie.
Chapter 14
Benjamin was desperate.
He had searched everywhere in the castle for Noelle and couldn’t find her anywhere. After he had slipped out to order her favorite breakfast, she was no longer in the bedchamber where he’d left her. Nor was she up in the counting house working on journals. She wasn’t in the breakfast room, the greenhouse, the aviary…
She had vanished without a trace.
“Your Grace?” a footman murmured. “Your carriage is ready.”
Of course his coach was ready. Benjamin had summoned it two hours ago, when he had believed Noelle was awaiting him in her chambers. But she was not there, she was not anywhere, and he was standing at the castle exit with his heart bleeding out of his chest. Hehadto say goodbye.
Yet he could not dally any longer. He should not even have stayed last night. At this point, he would have to race south, stopping for fresh horses as often as possible, to have a prayer of reaching London in time to be in his seat when the current session of Parliament began.
“Your Grace?” the footman tried again, his voice hesitant. “Should we have your driver return the coach to—”
“No. I’m going now.” Benjamin whirled away from the empty receiving hall and strode outside into blinding sunlight.
Some might consider Cressmouth at its most picturesque with a fine layer of snow dusting every surface and even more snowflakes drifting lazily from the skies. Benjamin was not fooled by its beauty. This morning’s windstorm had been warning enough. He needed to get off this mountain and back to a main road as quickly as possible. Even if it meant leaving without seeing Noelle.
He climbed up into his coach and took his place against the plush squab. His hands should not be shaking. He had known this moment would come. Had been looking forward to leaving Cressmouth behind.
Now it felt as though he was leaving the most important part of himself behind with it.
He swung his gaze from the empty heavens to the castle. There lay another hard truth. Grandfather might have kept the locket from him all these years, but the old man had never possessed the power to deprive Benjamin of loved ones.
That was something he had been achieving on his own.
He signaled his driver and the horses started off down the snow-packed lanes. Soon Benjamin would be home. His chest should not feel this empty. He had known attachments could not last. His mother’s gold locket had proven love was only a symbol, not something he was destined to keep. Just like Noelle. He was glad he had given her the locket. She was just as dear to him as the people inside. And destined to remain far out of reach.
The wind picked up force. He ignored it. No matter how low the temperature dropped, it was far colder in his heart. A wise man would lower his shields for no one, but Benjamin feared it was too late for that. The drawbridge had already been breached. Noelle was inside.
