“I can’t stay,” he whispered hoarsely.
She nodded. “I know. I’ve always known.”
“I never wanted to leave you,” he said hoarsely, lest she doubt the demons that drove him. “I had to leave this town. I still do. It reminds me…”
She reached up to caress his cheek.
He leaned into her warmth. “I have no good Christmas memories.”
“Until now.” She wrapped her hands around his neck. “Let’s make some new ones.”
His heart thumped and he crushed his mouth to hers.
Perhaps she was right. The past was the past. It was time to make new memories. Time to risk lowering his guard, if only for a moment.
Tonight was all they could ever have.
His blood raced. What would it be like to let go of all the old fear, all the shame and anger, and give himself over to the moment completely? Could exposing his heart bring more joy than he’d ever believed possible?
Or would making himself vulnerable to intimacy cut even deeper?
Chapter 12
Noelle swayed as her runaway pulse pounded through her veins. She wrapped her arms about Benjamin and held on tight, the locket about her neck now sheltered between two hearts instead of one. Perhaps then they could be whole.
She did not blame him for the estranged relationship with his grandfather. Nor could she blame him for the resulting distaste for all things Cressmouth and Christmas.
Her heart dipped in sympathy. They had both lost their parents. It was not an easy thing to get over.
Noelle had never had a family portrait before, or any relic of her parents whatsoever. Had she possessed such a priceless heirloom, she would have cherished it above all others. No wonder Benjamin had done the same.
By entrusting his most treasured possession to her keeping, it was as though he was sharing his family with her. As if she too were deserving of such love. As if Noelle held equal weight in his heart.
How could she help but love him?
Her pulse skipped in warning. It was no longer a suspicion in the back of her mind. She was hopelessly, madly, deeply in love with a man who would leave her behind. Abandon her, just as her own parents had done.
No. Not as her parents had done. They had left no sign, no word, no token of affection. Benjamin washere. His lips pressed to hers, his tongue hot and demanding. From any other man, a locket would be nothing more than a piece of jewelry. In Benjamin’s case, he had given her his heart.
At least, as much as he was willing to part with.
Could she not do the same? She yearned to reveal herself to him, body and soul. The thought of such a risk terrified her now more than ever, but this was their last opportunity.
“I thought you didn’t want me,” she whispered against his mouth.
He raised his head sharply, his gaze intense. “I pushed you away not because I don’t want you, but because I cannot keep you. Yet I long for you like a sapling longs for rain. Although I know I cannot stay, I long to touch you, to taste you, to feel you against my skin.”
Noelle’s lungs caught. She had known he would not offer empty promises. Those words were simultaneously the most romantic and the most devastating thing he could have said to her.
The golden locket about her neck was the reason he had returned to Cressmouth. The locket was the reason he was here in her arms right now. It was his heart, divided into halves. One side contained the past. The other side was for the future.
They had both seen that the future was empty. But today did not have to be.
She wanted Benjamin more than anything under the sun. Their differences might be irreconcilable, but she wouldn’t let that stop her from enjoying him for as long as she could.
“I never stopped thinking of you,” she confessed between kisses. “Night after night, replaying your touch in my mind. Your kiss. Wondering what else we might have shared if we’d had time.”
His dark gaze was tortured. “It isn’t just time that divides us. If it weren’t for everything that lies outside these walls, I would make love to you all night.”
