“Threw out his own grandson?” she said in shock. “A duke?”
“I wasn’t a duke yet, and he didn’t give two figs about his grandson. He had what he wanted, and it wasn’t me.”
“That was… the day after our kiss?” she asked.
Benjamin nodded. “I never came back.”
“You weren’t allowed back.” Her eyes flashed. “Your grandfather wouldn’t let you.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Either way, I’ve come to regret it.”
She tilted her head. “You think things would have worked out differently if you had tried to visit your grandfather again?”
“Not him.” Benjamin stepped closer. “I regret all those years without seeing you. At the very least, we deserved a chance to say goodbye.”
“You didn’t get to say goodbye to your grandfather, either,” she said quietly.
“I’ve never gotten to say goodbye to anyone I care about.” His chest tightened at the barrage of memories. “I can’t let it happen again.”
She lowered her gaze. “That’s why you’re here.”
“Not the only reason.” He couldn’t stay away. That was the problem.
He was not used to making confessions of any kind. Had insulated himself on purpose so that he would not ever be in a position where he was expected to slice open his heart and bare what he kept inside.
With her, he felt even more vulnerable. But she was different. Noelle did not judge him or shower him with platitudes. She simply listened and understood.
He had never known how powerful such a simple act could be.
His heart thumped wildly against the back of her hand where she held the locket. The miniature inside was his most prized possession. Its protective gold housing symbolized not just family, but love.
The blank spots on the other side of his parents’ faces had been meant for a new family portrait. His own, perhaps. It was now destined to remain empty. He had vowed to never again risk his heart on something so fleeting as love or family, but if he ever were to do so…
He reached behind his neck and unclasped the chain.
The locket pooled into Noelle’s open palm and she glanced up at him, startled. “I didn’t mean for you to—”
Her words cut off as Benjamin reached behind her neck and reaffixed the clasp.
Now the locket lay not against his heart, but hers.
“Don’t give up on family,” she whispered.
“I’m not,” he answered and pulled her into his arms.
This kiss was different from all the others. Neither a claiming nor a submission, but a flaying open, a laying bare. This kiss was who he was. His hopes, his fears, his grief, his desire. He hoped he could make her understand.
Benjamin had not given up on his family. His grandfather had closed himself off. His parents had been stolen away to heaven. That was it. There was no one left to give up on. No reason for hope at all.
Noelle’s kisses had made him yearn for a happy ending. That a wish could come true, that vulnerability could bring joy instead of grief. That love did not merely have to be a symbol, but rather something real and true and lasting.
But he knew better.
When he broke the kiss, it was as if a piece of his heart broke with it. He had to get out of Cressmouth. Away from the false hope of endless Christmas. Everything about it reminded him of anger and loss. Everything except her.
He did not agree with Society’s view that an orphan like Noelle was beneath him and unworthy. But his feelings didn’t matter. As a duke, he was forced to operate within that society. To make deals and alliances. To uphold conventions and expectations.
He could promise her nothing but heartbreak.
