Tomorrow was, in fact, never the day. Maybe it was time I stopped putting off the inevitable and made a plan.
“You know that I want to succeed, right?” I barely recognized the vulnerability that poured from me in that question, but something in me felt irrevocably broken and I needed my mom to see it for once. I needed her to see what she had a hand in creating.
Determination sparked within me, a pull to make her understand. “I don’twantto fail. I care, but caring doesn’t make an affinity appear and I’m tired of getting my hopes crushed at every test. I’m tired of waking up feeling worthless. I know I’m worth something…” I trailed off, voice softening as I continued, “Even if I’m not a powerful angel.”
Her eyes widened, lips parting slightly as the weight of my soft question and heavy revelations hit her with full force. I’d grown to be a master of masking my feelings, but she had always made my ability look like child’s play.
“Kieran…” she began in a strangled voice, betraying just how much I rattled her. She blinked furiously as her mouth opened and closed over and over, like she couldn’t find the right words. It was the most raw moment I’d seen from her in years, and hope soared in my chest. “Honey, you aren’t—” She cut off as her eyes glossed over and her fingers raised to touch her temple. The telltale sign that my father was speaking to her.
That man had such impeccable fucking timing.
My lip curled at the thought of having someone like him intruding into my head at any moment. That damn telepathicmate bond would never cease to weird me out. It seemed like such an invasion of our basic right to privacy.
All semblance of her softening was gone, just like that. When her eyes refocused on me, they were cold and her jaw was tight. She stood from the bed and headed toward the door. She tossed a few words, and her hair, over her shoulder like it meant nothing. “It’s time to head to testing, Kieran. We can’t afford for you to miss another. If you miss this one, we have to wait another thirty days.”
A few moments passed as I attempted to process the whiplash of her hot and cold emotions. My eyes burned as unwelcomed tears bubbled up, worsening with each step further I heard her taking from my room. “Such an idiot,” I hissed to myself, watching the droplets of my grief fall onto my clenched hands.
I never should have let that glimmer of hope appear, thinking for once that she would be sympathetic and understanding of my plight. All I did was open my wounds for her to throw salt in them. Never again. The moment felt like the final nail in the coffin of our relationship, and I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that. Anger and sadness warred within me.
Tossing the covers off, I moved on autopilot as I began to dress for testing. It was easy, considering we were forced into our white leather pants and matching tank, an outfit designed for combat and affinity training that allowed our wings to pop out and back into our body with the slits in the design. The less malleable leather material made the process of pushing my wings through the openings a little uncomfortable compared to my normal clothes, but it was better than not being able to use them at all. The testing outfits were infused with a spell to help ward off unruly magic and acted as a shield against fire and other elements, so I didn’t really have a choice in what to wear anyway.
As I glanced in the full-length mirror at the corner of my bedroom, disdain made my lip curl. The outfit served as a reminder that we were all just pawns to be controlled by our rulers. The clothing allowed no room for identity. We were theirs to control from birth.Comply and excel, or fail and fall.
Deftly, I worked my long hair into two French braids that fell down my back before I headed toward the double doors of my balcony. I didn’t bother eating—the strain on my body and mind during testing almost always resulted in me tossing up whatever was in my stomach at the end anyway.
The wind curled around me as I stepped onto my balcony, and my back itched to free my wings from their confines. Relaxing the constant hold required to keep them tucked away, lightness settled over me and they snapped out to their full expanse. I stretched them in and out a few times, and with a crack to my tight neck, I set my sights on the training field near the castle in the distant clouds.
Bunching my knees slightly, I used the tension to spring into the air as my wings beat, lifting me into the air with ease. Weightlessness took over as I closed my eyes and soaked in the feeling of freedom that always skimmed through my wings when I flew.
Opening my eyes, I pumped my wings to propel me toward the training center. I couldn’t put this off. While a part of me had given up on myself, there was still a small ember of fire within me thatknewI had something to offer the world.
“It’s now or never, Kieran,” I whispered to the wind, letting my words be swallowed in this private moment. My eyes burned with tears that I refused to let fall. “Do it for you, not them.”
I continued to stoke the embers of my growing confidence for the entirety of the flight, not knowing it would be needed more now than ever before. The moment I descended to the entrance, a feeling of dread swallowed me whole. My father’sshoulder-length red hair stood out against the stark, white building behind him. The silver of his eyes was hard to see from this distance, but the way they burned holes into my being was nearly overwhelming.
No.He can’t be here. Affinity placement was only supposed to happen with us and the instructors. They never allowed an audience. My heart rate skyrocketed at the thought of him watching as I failed. No matter how hard I tried to stay calm, I could already hear his harsh words of criticism. It would be the same as always—him calling me a lazy, sorry excuse of a child who was tarnishing the name of his lineage as soon as we were away from the public eye.
“Hello, Kieran, so kind of you to finally join us,” my father quipped with a dry laugh as my feet touched down. There wasn’t an ounce of actual humor or a jovial attitude about him. His entire disposition—from his calculated mannerisms to carefully chosen words—were all for show. The line of candidates waiting to enter watched us with interest, or maybe it was morbid curiosity since Archangels weren’t seen often, thinking themselves above everyone else. “I’m just here to supervise your test today and see if there’s anything I can do to assist in your training.”
Translation: I’m here to remind you of my presence and wrath, so don’t fuck up.
“He has the patience of a saint to keep supporting her after this many years of failed tests,” someone whispered from the line, and it took everything in me to not bark out a laugh or roll my eyes.
More like the vengeance of a devil.
KIERAN
Not wanting to allow my father’s gaze to rattle my soul more than it already did, I turned my attention toward the line of candidates waiting for their own placement tests. I was unsurprised to find that very few of them would actually look me in the eye. Usually, they ignored me and acted like I was the plague and my inability to place would transfer to them. Although, the usual disapproving murmurs seemed particularly loud today. I immediately knew that it had nothing to do with me andeverythingto do with my father.
The power he held as an Archangel couldn’t be understated, and I had no doubt the candidates felt awe from seeing him in person—reinforced, of course, by their obvious blind support of him. After all, strength and purpose were everything to this kingdom and I currently showed no obvious signs of either. My father, though? He was theperfectembodiment of that concept, which was an impossible standard to ever live up to.
“Well, asmuchas I appreciate that,” I drew out, trying to not allow my sarcasm to bleed through but ultimately failing, “it appears there’s a line, so you may be waiting a bit. I know you keep a busy schedule, so we wouldn’t want to waste your time or anything.”
“Nonsense,” he interrupted, brows pinching as his nostrils flared. His annoyance was clear through his forced smile. “We won’t be waiting in line.”
Unfortunately, I believed him. I wasn’t sure my father ever waited for anything in his life.
He couldn’t help himself from tacking on a quip with a bit more bite. “Despite your lack of respect for your assigned time, causing you to be late as always.”
