My lips pinched as images flew unbidden through my mind. The ones I saw almost every night in my dreams.
Images of my monsters and I dead at the end of this. Their lifeless eyes staring up at me and the knowledge that it would be my fault haunting me. Those dreams told me that I couldn’t save us all.
When I opened my eyes, my lashes were wet with tears, serving to completely wash out the fire that was roaring in my chest just minutes ago. I swallowed the emotion enough to speak and said, “No, I haven’t tried my hardest. Because deep down, I don’t think I will ever be good enough to win this battle. I feel like no matter what I do, we’re doomed.”
Saying it out loud hurt like hell. In a matter of minutes, Ariel had cracked open my chest and yanked out the part of me that never felt like I was enough.
Despite being given access to DIA and the instructors there, a core piece of me had accepted that there was no one who could make me into this powerful and important person who was fated to such an important role–a role that would have lasting impacts on all of the realms if I failed.
It was too much for me to carry.
“Alexandra,” she snapped, though without malice in her voice this time. Her tone demanded my attention, and I listened to her, truly listened to her, as she continued, “Fate is something that no one can truly understand. Even to those of us divine beings that seemingly have it all, there are moments of doubt in our roles. It is a heavy role to carry, with the implications of failure affecting an entire realm of humans.”
Yet she hadn’t caved to the pressure. She’d sucked it up and done her job.
A sob wrenched from my throat as my head fell forward. I was weak. My tears soaked into the ground beneath us, and I barely heard her over my cries as she asked, “Do you know what else you could read within those books about me thatistrue?”
She didn’t wait for me to answer the question, her entire demeanor shifting to one of compassion and nurture as her hand found my chin and gently tipped it up to gaze into my eyes once more. “The books say that in some situations, the best solution is to move out of your comfort zone and seek Archangel Ariel to assist you in finding courage. The courage we seek is the courage to have faith in yourself, because you don’t need anything other than that to succeed.”
Her kindness only served to increase my tears, and in a turn of events that I could have never pictured, she took me into her arms and held me until my tears ran dry.
As my sobs quieted, she pulled back and wiped a few lingering tears from my cheeks.
“Are you ready to find your courage, child?”
Could I do that? Would I be able to somehow turn off the piece of me that continued to hold me back because of my insecurities?
“I…I want to,” my voice cracked, and I took a moment to draw a few deep breaths before trying again. “I want to, but I don’t know how. I don’t know where to go from here to become the person everyone needs me to be.”
She lifted her hand to rest over my heart, and a slow, thrumming heat began to pulse from her palm and through my skin. It grew until it wrapped around the organ.
“You are now worthy of my help.”
Chapter 12
ALEXANDRA
Ariel’s voicewas tender as she spoke directly to my mind. “I’m going to guide you to lay down on the mat, Alexandra. Try to stay connected to this place mentally as I shift you. I’ve used my powers to alleviate your fears so that we can focus elsewhere for now.”
I barely felt the soft touch of her hands as my body flowed with ease to where she needed me to be. I barely noted the feeling of something plush beneath my back and head, instead focusing on the utter feeling of weightlessness this position allowed me to experience.
My mind had already drifted toward whatever this warmth was that pulsated through me, and it felt like my body was catching up to it now.
“We’re going to run through a few mental exercises while you are in this relaxed state now, Alexandra. This could be uncomfortable as we begin to push past your fears. At any point if you feel overwhelmed or need to stop, please alert me.”
I hummed my agreement, not quite understanding how I could ever want to potentially leave this moment of quiet and comfort.
“First, I’m going to have you start by taking a few deep breaths to calm your mind and body.”
Despite this weightlessness I was experiencing, I still felt a direct connection to my body’s system, and I easily did as she said.
“Inhale slowly through your nose, allowing your abdomen to expand, and then exhale gently through your mouth.”
My chest rose slowly as I inhaled, tingles spreading through me pleasantly as I parted my lips to exhale.
“Repeat this a few more times. With each breath, feel yourself becoming more relaxed and present with me. Focus on how your body is feeling as you take each breath. You should begin to feel lighter as we continue.”
I felt the warmth traveling through my body in a gentle embrace, quickly wrapping me in a blanket of peace and tranquility. I felt as if I was enveloped in a soft cocoon, protecting me from the world and all its worries for just a moment. Closing my eyes, I soaked up the sensation for as long as I could.
