The walls felt smooth and cool to the touch as I brushed against them, running my fingers along the white surface as we passed through the shadowed entryway.
“What do you know of me?” she asked as we came to a sudden halt at the arena floor.
As she turned to face me, I shrugged my shoulders. “Absolutely nothing. Care to fill in the blanks for me?”
She deadpanned, voice beyond unamused as she replied, “Insinuating that there are blanks to be filled would mean that there weren’t blanks on the other side of your knowledge, yet what you have is one giant blank space.”
My head pounded at her words, but I managed to refrain from letting out the groan that wanted to spill out of me. This was going to be a really long few weeks.
It felt like she was waiting for me to make some smart-ass comeback. When I crossed my arms across my chest and clenched my jaw tightly shut, she seemed to get the picture that I wasn’t willing to keep this little debate of hers going.
Gesturing to the mat that rested to the side of the arena floor, she instructed, “Sit there and stretch the best you can in those clothes. Tomorrow you need to wear more flexible clothing.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her if she would have given me just a few minutes, I could have changed to the proper attire. When I’d gotten dressed for the day, I wasn’t even privy to the fact that they’d somehow found me a teacher. Training hadn’t even been on my mind in the slightest.
Deciding it would get us nowhere if I argued that point, I swallowed my rebuttal down and headed for the mat, plopping down and beginning to stretch my legs. She walked to the railing close by and leaned against it, watching me closely.
“I’m the archangel of nature. If you were to read a synopsis of me in your realm, it would go something like: Archangel Ariel will assist in reminding you that you possess imaginative power of influence over your destiny and that by using your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, intentions, and emotions, you can shape your life. She will assist in honing your intentions and aligning your vibrations with your conscious desires to manifest in your life.”
That wasn’t the type of nature that I initially thought of, but I suppose it could be inferred as the nature of our psyche. Still, I really wasn’t sure how Zurie and her mates thought Ariel was going to be a good teacher for me. Did she even have any powers to work with that were similar to my own?
“Those texts make me out to be some fucking saint with all the patience in the world who will help you achieve your dreams. Every single one of those texts is wrong.”
Ariel not having patience? No, it couldn’t be so.
“Do I help those who call upon me?” she mused as I bent over, reaching for my feet. “Sometimes. But I wait until someone has learned all the lessons they can before hitting a wall in their journey. I’m not going to help someone who cannot help themself, animals and plants aside.”
My mind spun. Maybe shedidhave some power over nature itself. It seemed bigger than that, though. If humans also fell under her jurisdiction, perhaps she just had power over living beings, period. Didn’t really feel like she would welcome any questions I had, though, so I kept my mouth firmly shut.
“Tell me, Alexandra, have you learned all of the lessons you can? Have you hit a wall in your journey after exhausting all of your resources?”
Immediately, I thought to say yes, that the roadblock was why we were here in the first place–to find someone who could help me get past this block. She lifted her hand, though, stopping me before I could get a word out.
Her eyes narrowed on me. “Be honest with yourself for a minute. Your mates aren’t here for you to impress. Your new family isn’t either. None of them are here to coddle your emotions and fears. It’s just you and me here, and clearly, you’re not going to impress me. You might as well be honest with yourself.”
How dare she insinuate that I hadn’t tried. Why would I even be here if I hadn’t?
“I have!” I yelled as I jumped to my feet, feeling defensive as hell at the implication that I had done less than everything in my power. “I have spent countless hours pouring over old texts. I’ve spent extra hours after all of my scheduled classes with an instructor for extra training. I’ve trained until I was nothing but a heap of sweat and tears.”
She stalked over to me and shoved a finger into my chest, hard. “You are so good at lying to yourself that I truly think you’ve convinced yourself of that rhetoric. Well guess what? I’m the exact being that can see through your facade. I don’t have the slightest inclination in my soul to help you, and that means you have not given this journey your all.”
With each word she spoke, my chest began to heave with short, shaky breaths that were fueled by the anger roaring within me.
Her words hit something deep within my heart, but I shoved it to the side. I wouldn’t let her get to me.
She lowered her body until she was eye to eye with me, the scent of honeysuckle and fire emanating off of her in a scent that was somehow comforting.
“The second I stepped foot into that home, I saw through you. Everyone else thinks you need help from someone else to figure this all the hell out. You want to know what I saw? I saw someone who’s half-assing everything just enough to keep the people around her from realizing she’s given up.”
My anger shifted as my own thoughts became clearer to me. I was furious with her for saying that I hadn’t tried, but now…now I was angry at the way she so easily saw through me. She ripped down the lies I’d wrapped so deeply within my mind. What was worse was that Ididbelieve the lies…until she blew them all to shit.
Yes, I’d gone to my classes and training, and I’d researched the books I could find in the library. But I’d also attended a party and hung out with my monsters, focusing on deepening our connections, rather than training every waking moment. Even after the first interaction we’d had with a curse at DIA’s barrier the night of the party, I still hadn’t shifted all of my energy to training.
I told myself we still needed to enjoy life alongside training. That wedeservedit after not having the past twenty-one years together in reality. I felt like I was owed that piece of happiness, after living a life without it.
“Dig harder into that thought,” Ariel instructed in a much softer tone than she used with me previously, and my own seething anger fell to a low simmer. “You’re going in the right direction. Push through the discomfort and find your answer.”
I closed my eyes and did as she said. Forcing the fear away, I took a deep breath and thought of why I didn’t want to give up the small amount of time my mates and I had to experience the joys of this new life together.
