Chapter Six
Harper
There was a loud pounding in my head ... and it wouldn’t stop. I stuffed my pillow around my head, covering my ears, but then the ringing began.
“Make it stop,” I moaned, reaching out to the other side of the bed. But my hand only encountered empty space, and I remembered blearily that Jake hadn’t stayed over last night, because he’d had an early march or something like that. I hadn’t paid much attention when he’d talked about it, mostly because I’d still been blissed out from my last intense orgasm.
I’d been getting spoiled, because hedidspend the night with me on the weekends now. I’d relaxed my no-sleepover rule pretty fast when I’d realized just how much I enjoyed waking up to morning sex. I’d also discovered that I liked having him in bed with me. We slept close, both of us more open to affection than we usually were when we were awake.
The bell rang again, and I realized it hadn’t been a dream. Someone was at my door, and that someone was too insistent to be solicitors. With a groan, I hopped out of bed, found my robe and struggled into it as I stumbled to the door.
Opening it a crack, I frowned into the face of my best friend.
“Samantha? What the hell are you doing here so damn early?” I began to wake up a little more. “Are you okay?” I swung the door wide, letting her inside.
“First, it’s not damn early. It’s nearly eleven.” She closed the door behind her and stood facing me, her hands on her hips. “And second, I’m fine, but I’m pissed at you.”
“At me? Why?” But I had a hunch I knew why. It had only been a matter of time before the cat got out of the proverbial bag. Even though Jake and I were trying to be discreet, his car was parked in front of my apartment frequently enough that a couple of my neighbors had commented on it. And we didn’t exactly hide, although all of our time was spent together here at my place. But Sam had been suspicious since the night of her engagement party. I was more resigned to her realization than I was surprised.
“You lied to me. You told me there was nothing between you and Jake Robinson.” She blinked, her eyes shiny with tears, and guilt pinched at my heart. She was hurt.
“I know. I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Can we go sit down in the kitchen and have coffee while I grovel? I promise, I’ll do a better job of it with some caffeine.”
She didn’t speak, but she nodded as she followed me into the other room. I was silent as I set up the coffeemaker, pulled out mugs and spoons and then poured it. I didn’t begin to talk until I’d had my first reviving sip.
“First of all, I didn’t mean to lie to you. I didn’t ... well, at first, I didn’t know that the guy I’d slept with for one night only was one of Max’s friends. And then we met at your engagement party, and we decided that we had enough chemistry that we’d both enjoy a sort of arrangement. It’s not anything formal or serious, Sam. I promise you. If it were, I’d have let you know. We’re just ...” I struggled to come up with the right phrase. “Messing around. Having fun.”
“Hmmm.” She sniffed and took a drink of coffee. “You could have told me that. I would’ve understood.”
“Maybe.” I hesitated. “But you want me to have something more, sweetie. You’ve said that. You saw Jake and me together at the party, and you were ready to play matchmaker. I didn’t want that. I wasn’t ready.”
Samantha’s eyes narrowed. “Youdidn’t. Youweren’t. But something’s changed now, hasn’t it?”
I bit my lip and glanced away. “God, I want to tell you no, but I don’t want to lie to you again.”
Merriment danced in my friend’s eyes. “I knew it! I just knew it. Tell me all.”
I shook my head. “There isn’t much to tell, Sam. Nothing’s really changed between us. We’re still basically just friends with benefits.” I paused. “But now Jake stays overnight with me. And I ... I make him breakfast when he does. And we ...talk. One night last week, he told me about—uh, an old relationship in his past. He really opened up to me, and I started to think, well, maybe Idowant more.” I traced the handle of my coffee mug with the tip of my finger. “We haven’t talked about it, though. I’m afraid that if I suggest it, he might not be in the same place that I am. He’s had more damaging experience than I have in the area of relationships.”
“Hey.” Samantha covered my hand with hers. “You won’t know unless you say something, right? It’s entirely possible that Jake is feeling the same thing and is afraid to tell you. Wouldn’t it be better to know the truth?”
“I guess.” I wasn’t sure, though. Telling the truth might mean that Jake would run screaming from my life. At least now I had parts of him, sometimes. Wasn’t that better than having none of him ever? “Hey, how did you find out, anyway? About Jake and me, I mean.”
She smiled. “I was on my way back from work late last night, because we had a community meeting that went long. I swung by here to drop off the fabric swatch for having your shoes dyed, and I recognized the car out front. So I went home and told Max what I saw, and he broke down and told me everything.”
“Maxknew?” I scowled. “Jake swore he hadn’t told anyone.”
“I don’t think he did, at least not on purpose.” Samantha shrugged. “He said Jake was acting cagey one day when Owen was trying to get him to go out to the bar, and the two of them goaded him into giving up your name. But he made Max swear not to say anything to me unless I asked outright. He kept that promise. Don’t be mad at Jake, Harper. He did the best he could.”
“I’m not.” I was more relieved, I realized, that everything was out in the open. No matter what happened between us, I was ready to stop hiding.
“And give him a real chance.” Samantha squeezed my hand. “Give both of you a real chance. You two deserve to see what you might be able to have.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “I think you’re right. I’m terrified, but I want to find out if we have a chance.”
* * *
Making the decision to talk to Jake and actually putting it into action were two different things. I was off work until four in the afternoon, but we hadn’t made any plans to see each other until later that night; we never met up during the day, except for the day Jake had surprised me at the restaurant.
