Beast dropped into the chair. “Want to talk about it?”
Finn shook his head, then heard himself say, “I just learned today that I have a daughter.”
“Christ. You’re a father,” Beast said slowly as though the words made no sense. “Mum know?”
“You’re the first. Keep it to yourself for now.”
“I’m not one to blab.” Then he grinned. “I’m an uncle. Imagine that. Never thought you’d be the first though. You weren’t one for going around poking your stick in the honey pot.”
He sighed. “The irony is not lost on me.”
“Who’s the mum?”
“Vivi.”
Beast nodded as though it all made sense, then shook his head as though it didn’t. “Aiden told me she was back in your life. But that’s only recent.” His eyes widened. “Are you telling me this little one is from before?”
Finn took a long swallow of his beer, draining the mug. Didn’t object when Beast signaled for two more to be brought over. “Yeah. She’s seven, being raised by a family in Watford. I’m to meet her tomorrow.” He would go with Vivi because he did want to see the little one.
“That’s gotta be hard.”
Placing his elbows on the table, he leaned toward his brother. “I’ve got all these feelings, Beast, and I don’t know what to do with them. Like you said, I’m a father. I have a little girl. I haven’t even met her yet, but my heart has expanded to fill my entire chest. I love her that much already. And I’m terrified. I don’t know how to ensure I do right by her. How to be the father she needs me to be. God knows none of us had a good example.”
“You’re a fine man, Finn. You’ll know what to do.”
“But that’s the thing. I don’t know. Vivi wants to take her. We had a row about it. She’s convinced it’s the best thing for her. We don’t even know her name, and she’s going to take her.”
“You don’t think she should?”
“This couple—they’ve loved her for seven years, Beast. They’re all she’s known. How would you have felt if someone had taken you from Mum when you were seven?”
“I’d have run back to her.”
He gave a slow nod, acknowledging he’d have done the same. “Vivi won’t listen to me. She wants nothing to do with me anymore actually. I’d begun to think there was a chance for us, but every time I do, something steals her away.”
“Fell in love with her again, did you?”
“I never fell out of love with her, but what I was feeling now was stronger, more settled. I can’t explain it. The depths of it should have terrified me and instead it brought me peace. Makes no sense, I know. Too much beer already.”
“You once loved her as a boy would—when joy was found in fleeting moments of chasing after things, where the chasing was more fun and the capturing disappointing. Now you love her as a man would—when the joy is found in the holding, in finding the permanence, in no longer chasing the happiness because what you’ve captured at last is the best of all, and you know it’ll never be better.”
Beast had always had a knack for figuring out people, what they were feeling, the truth behind their lies. Although he didn’t usually put his thoughts into so many words.
“Yes, well, apparently I didn’t capture what I thought I had, which is the reason that I’m sitting here getting foxed and contemplating doing something truly stupid.”
Beast’s brow furrowed. “How stupid? What are you going to do precisely?”
“Visit the bugger who fucked my mother.”
“Now which one are you?” the Earl of Elverton asked, lounging indolently in a large purple velveteen chair in his study, holding an etched tumbler aloft, paying far more attention to the way the light from the flames dancing on the hearth were captured in the amber liquid than to Finn, who stood before him.
He’d not bothered to offer his bastard a drink, not that Finn would have accepted if he had. He wasn’t here to socialize. He was here for answers.
However, taking in his surroundings, he couldn’t help but wonder if the lord’s fine threads had been purchased with Aiden’s profits, along with the thick gold rings that adorned three fingers of his left hand, the gold letter opener lying on the desk, the gold statuettes of naked nymphs in various poses of play, and the strumpet who’d been on his arm when he’d walked into the residence. Finn had been in the foyer, standing in the shadows, awaiting his return.
“I’m Finn Trewlove, your bastard, and I’ll have a word,” he’d announced as he’d stepped out into the light, causing the lightskirt to squeak and the man responsible for his existence to merely scowl.
The earl had instructed the girl to wait for him in his bedchamber and not to disturb the countess while making her way there. His words had made Finn ill. If he was that disrespectful of his wife—to bring his dove here—how badly did he treat his mistresses? Badly enough to take their children from them.
