“But she’s mine. Ours. She should have never been taken from me.”
“Stop and think about this, Vivi. She’s their daughter. She calls them ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad.’ They love her, and she loves them.”
“They don’t love her as much as I will! And she doesn’t love them as much as she’ll love me, love us.”
He squeezed her hands. “We can’t regain what we’ve lost.”
“You don’t understand, Finn. You can’t understand because you weren’t there.” Shoving him aside, she stood and began to pace. “You didn’t carry her for nine months. You didn’t feel her moving within you. You didn’t talk to her because there was no one else to talk with. You didn’t share your hopes and dreams.”
The memories were cascading through her like a rushing waterfall after heavy rains.
“I was prepared to keep her with me, was planning to do so. I was willing to face being ostracized, gossiped about. I knew no man would have me with an illegitimate child hanging on to my skirts, but I didn’t care.” She swung around, faced him, her breathing harsh and heavy, her fists balled, while he stood there looking at her as though he didn’t know her. “You cannot feel the love I feel for her. You cannot want her as I want her. She doesn’t mean to you what she does to me. I’ve had seven years of thinking about her, wondering—”
“And they’ve had seven years of loving her,” he repeated.
She wanted to beat her fists against his chest, wanted him to know how much she despised him at that moment. She shook her head fiercely. “You simply don’t understand.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Vivi. I was once just like that little girl.”
If the daggers she’d been shooting at him with her glares had been real, he’d be dead. But his final words seemed to take some of the fight out of her.
“I doubt they’ve told her that she wasn’t born to them,” he said.
“We’ll explain it kindly and gently.”
“No matter what words you use, it will be neither kind nor gentle. We were eight, Gillie seven, when we found out that Ettie Trewlove hadn’t given birth to us, that we were brought to her door by someone who didn’t want us.”
She stepped forward, her hand reaching out imploringly. “But Iwanther. That’s the difference, don’t you see? I’ve always wanted her.”
“Maybe my mother wanted me. I don’t know. My father was the one who delivered me. But my point is that for eight years Ettie Trewlove was my mum. I loved her as my mum. When I learned she didn’t give birth to me, my first thought wasn’t that I wanted to be with the woman who had. My first thought was that it didn’t make a difference. Ettie Trewlove was still my mum. I couldn’t love her more if she had brought me into this world. And I’m standing here trying to imagine how I would have felt if someone had knocked on the door and taken me away from her.”
“Youcan’tknow, Finn. You can assume or speculate or imagine, but you can’tknow.”
“But I can know, Vivi, because I was taken from her. I was twenty-three, old enough to comprehend I was being taken and why I was being taken, but it didn’t ease the hurt. It didn’t ease my missing of her. I was a young man, capable of dealing with the loss, to understand, yet still it was difficult and saddening and devastating. I wasn’t a child who had to learn how to cope with life’s harshness. Robin can’t be much older than her, and he still believes in fairies.”
“And he still wants his mother to come for him.”
“Our daughter doesn’t know her mother isn’t there.”
This beautiful, brave woman looked as though she wanted to scratch out his eyes. “Fine. On this matter we will disagree. I’m going to get my daughter tomorrow. I shall take her to the Sisters of Mercy, and we shall reside there until I can make arrangements for other accommodations. This partnership between us has come to an end. I shall meet with Beckwith and see that the contracts are voided.”
“This isn’t what I want.”
“We don’t always get what we want. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to let James know when to be here tomorrow, so we can depart.”
With her feet bare and her hair a tangled mess, she walked out, and he let her go because his love could not compete with a dream he feared she’d soon discover was not to be had.
Finn sat at a back table in a shadowed corner at Gillie’s pub drinking his beer. He hadn’t been in the mood to remain at his club, to chance running into Vivi. Indeed, his mood was foul, as foul as it had ever been. His disappointment great.
He’d thought she’d changed, but tonight she’d been the spoiled daughter of an earl who always got what she wanted—no matter who was hurt in the process. He found himself glad they’d not married years ago, because he wasn’t certain they’d have managed to keep each other happy for long.
Aiden was correct. It was folly to love her, but even knowing that, he seemed incapable of shedding her from his heart completely.
“You look like someone kicked your dog.”
Glancing up, he couldn’t find the strength to work up a smile for his brother Beast. He was the tallest and broadest among them, someone Finn wanted on his side in a fight. Not that he’d be doing any fighting tonight. Or maybe he would. Throwing a few good punches might make him feel better. “I don’t have a dog.”
Beast nodded toward the chair opposite Finn. Unlike Aiden, he wasn’t one to assume his company would be welcome. Finn considered shaking his head, knowing his brother wouldn’t take offense. Instead he waved his hand, palm up, over the table in invitation.
