But always, in my mind and heart, behind the mountain of work, stood Logan, beautiful Logan.
In front of a demanding, commanding Mrs. Kerns, we danced. We did all the right moves. He swung me, he twirled me, I twirled him.
“There’s no passion in your dancing today,” Mrs. Kerns reprimanded us. “Passion! Passion!”
We could not do the passion.
“Smile! You both look like you’re at a funeral! Shoulders back, Logan! You’re being clumsy, Bellini. You missed another step. Logan, what is wrong with you? You throw her over your left shoulder, not your right… My goodness, what’s got into youtwo? It’s like watching sad robots dance. Start over… Start over… Start over…”
It was miserable for both of us.
Our last dance lesson was two nights later.
Same thing happened again.
“Arms out, Bellini! Move your hips—you’re way too stiff. Logan, hold her closer. Closer. Bellini, look Logan in the eye. You, too, Logan.Look her in the eye.Remember the audience will buy into this dance if they can see you’re buying into each other. What is going on? When you two were in school, I kept having to pull you apart because you were too close. Bellini, why aren’t you smiling at all? Same with you, Logan. You two are dancing like you’re at a cemetery and twirling around on a coffin… Start over… Start over… Oh for hell’s bells’ sake! Enthusiasm! Passion!”
“Honey,” my mother said. “Tell me.” She sat beside me on her pink couch. In terms of pain, she was much better than she had been when I’d first come home, but I swore that mother of mine continued to look better than ever. Her face was relaxed, she looked rested, she glowed.
“We broke up, Mom. Again.”
“Oh dear. Oh no.” She grabbed my hand. She was wearing a Christmas sweater with a wreath on it. Inside the wreath was a female elf holding a shot glass.
“I shouldn’t have seen him again, Mom. I knew I shouldn’t. I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t resisthim.”
Petunia, Sir Scott, Mrs. Books, and Claws prowled around us. I had bought each of them a special Christmas collar featuring Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph, Mrs. Claus, or Santa Claus. I think they liked them.
“Have you given more thought to telling him the truth?”
“Yes, but I can’t. I told you why.” Petunia jumped into my lap.
“I think you should tell him.”
“I can’t, Mom. He will walk away from that land to be with me, and Drake will destroy it. There will be condos on it in months. It’ll kill Logan, not only losing his mother’s land, but that his father would be that…vengeful. That punitive. I don’t think he’d ever get rid of the anger or the hurt. Drake has hurt him so much already, but this would be another punch in the face. I don’t want Logan to get punched in the face.”
“But if you give him the choice, Bellini, you’d be letting him choose his own reality. Both times, you’ve chosen for both of you. He hasn’t had any say.”
“I know. I have thought about that a hundred times, but I honestly thought I was doing the right thing.” I choked up. Mrs. Books rubbed against my legs. I think she intuitively knew I was miserable. “I honestly, truly thought, Mom, that he’d forget about me in college and marry someone with perfect boobs and perfect teeth and have perfect children. He would remember me now and then as ‘the high school girlfriend,’ and then he’d go back to his perfect life.”
“But that didn’t happen, honey, because he still loves you.”
“I love him. I want to be with him. I always have.”
“I knew his mother. And what Laina would want is for Logan to be happy. Yes, he would hate losing that land. But what has been worse for him has been losing you.”
“But do you think he’d want me over that land? Do you actually think I’m worth Logan losing his land forever?”
“I do.”
I studied her face. “You do?” I whispered.
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“But you’re my mother. You would think that.” I clasped her hand with both of my mine.
“I’m your mother, and I am a wise woman. I know that Logan would think you are worth it. More than worth it. He lost his spark after you left him.”
“Oh no.”
