“That was my fault.” I roll my shoulders to try to shake the dark, icky feeling taking root. “Apparently, he tried to tell me as HandsyGuy, but I made it very clear I had no interest in finding out who HandsyGuy was and I also told him that Deacon was nothing more to me than sex and never could be because he was just a fun-time guy with no real depth.”
“Ouch,” Shaleigh says. “Rough.”
“I know. So, instead of telling me, Deacon decided to change my mind about him. Which is manipulative and untruthful.”
“But also kind of romantic,” Shaleigh says. “This guy must really like you.”
That does something to my heart that I don’t like. It’s painful. “It doesn’t matter. I’m still not looking for a relationship. Even if I were, it wouldn’t be with a liar.”
“Uh-huh. Except you end things with him, and you’re bursting into tears in my office and complaints about you are on the rise again. You definitely seem like someone who could take or leave the guy she was banging.”
I rear back. “This is not an appropriate way for a boss to talk to her employee.”
“It is if they’re also friends.”
I sigh. “Are complaints about me really up?” I know they are. I haven’t been outright rude, but I also haven’t made a huge effort to be friendly. I’ve just done my job and done it well. Why can’t that be enough?
“You’ve had a few this week,” she says. “Nothing major, but it’s clear you aren’t yourself, and it comes across to the community. No one expects you to be happy all the time, Amelia, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this sad.”
“I’ll get past it. I promise I won’t let it affect my work anymore.”
I get up to leave.
“You know, Amelia. You’re allowed to be happy too. You can be a mom and have romance. You being happy won’t hurt Harper.”
But getting my heart broken would. Just like it’s hurting her right now, because even she’s noticed I’m sad. I told her a friend and I had a fight, and she was very sweet to me for about fifteen minutes, before her four-year-old brain moved on to something else.
“I’ll fix my mood and my attitude,” I say as I open the door and let myself out.
Shaleigh sighs loudly behind me.
***
“Thanks for helping me out,” Ellery says. “I’ll buy you lunch wherever you want.”
When Ellery called last night and asked me to come over and help her redo her bookshelves, I thought it was code for something else. But no, we’re rearranging her wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves by genre first, then alphabetically.
I add another book to the thriller genre pile and straighten, stretching my back. “I’m happy to help. Harper’s with Bryson all day today for the first time, and I need a distraction.”
A distraction from thinking about Deacon and the dawning realization that I cared a lot more about him than I let myself accept. I’m beginning to think I didn’t just care about him and Handsyguy.
I think I might have been falling for them.
Just the thought makes me want to curl up in a ball on Ellery’s floor and hide from myself.
“You’re a good mom to let her go for the day,” Ellery says, interrupting my freak out.
“His parents came to town to visit her, so I didn’t have much choice.” The words come out more bitterly than I mean them to, mostly because I’m feeling overly emotional about my daughter with another family. I know she’s coming back to me, but I can’t help feeling that I’m losing her in a way. Which isn’t realistic or fair to Bryson. “He’s been amazing with her over the past couple of weeks. I’m sure she’s having a blast. He’s even set up a room for her in his rental house with all her favorite toys.” And he’s been very obvious about not giving her so much at his house that he appears to be manipulating her to spend more time with him. He’s been extremely considerate.
“I’m glad,” Ellery says. “I think once you get used to him being around, you’ll be glad to have his help with Harper. Especially once you start back to school for the vet program.” She grins widely. “Can we celebrate you getting in yet?”
My stomach twists with nerves. It’s been over a week since I found out, and I’m still more nervous than excited. This is what I’ve always wanted, but that also means if I fail, I’m failing on my one and only dream. “We can celebrate if I make it through the spring semester.” My stomach twists again. “I can’t believe I only have eight weeks until my first day of school.”
She pulls another stack of books off a shelf and starts sorting them into our piles. “And Deacon? Feeling any differently about that?”
I sigh. Ellery and I have talked Deacon to death. “I was an asshole. He was a liar. It didn’t work out. Am I still sad about it? Yes. But I’m getting over him.” I’m not getting over him at all. A no-strings relationship was supposed to protect my heart, but apparently even that’s too much for me.
She eyes me for a long moment. “You don’t seem to be over it. You seem like someone who’s had their heart broken.”
