Dawn was texting on her phone, and when she saw me watching she waved it at me and said, ‘Shelley. She was worried. I’m just letting her know that I’m home.’
‘Fine,’ I said. ‘Of course.’ I wondered how much Shelley knew that I didn’t, and betted the answer wasall of it. I thought about how strange it was that my wife’s best friend might know her better than I did.
Once Dawn had finished and sent her text, I spoke, tackling things from the most practical angle possible. ‘You don’t have to tell me the details if you don’t want to,’ I said. ‘But if we need to make an insurance claim, then we should do that pretty sharpish.’
‘It’s bad,’ she said, ‘I know. I went under one of those roll-top garage doors and it rolled down right on top of me as I was driving out.’
‘Christ,’ I said. ‘What in, like, a public car park? Because if that’s the case their insurance will pay. It’s supposed to stop as soon as it sees a car.’
Dawn shook her head. ‘Private, I’m afraid,’ she said.
‘But all the same. It still—’
‘Can we just leave it?’ she asked, pulling a face that made her look like she had toothache. ‘I know it’s going to be expensive, but can we just fix it ourselves? Or even just leave it like that? I really don’t care. Driving round with a car that looks like an elephant stepped on it doesn’t worry me at all.’
‘But if we could get the insurance to—’ I started.
‘It’s just that I really don’t want to get into it all. Not with… Not with this particular person.’
I chewed my bottom lip and thought about those words.This particular person.I wanted to repeat those words in a sarcastic tone of voice, but by chewing my lip I restrained myself. I cleared my throat. ‘OK,’ I said. ‘No problem. I’ve got a guy out in Ashford – a client. Does bodywork. I’ll get him to look at it instead.’
‘Is that OK?’ Dawn asked. ‘Are you sure?’
We both knew it was a rhetorical question.
She turned to look out of the kitchen window then, so I opened theGuardianweb page on my phone.
Diving into the cool depths of my phone felt like safety, but she dragged me back out by saying, ‘I suppose we’re going to have to talk, aren’t we? I suppose there’s no way round it.’
‘You make talking sound like torture,’ I said.
‘Well sometimes, it is. Don’t you think?’
‘I guess it depends what you need to say.’
‘And what you have to hear,’ Dawn said. ‘What the other person says.’
‘Uh-huh,’ I said. ‘Maybe.’
‘So I have something I should probably tell you,’ Dawn said. ‘And it’s not going to be a bundle of fun.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Crikey!’ Dawn raised an eyebrow, and I regretted making light of it immediately. ‘Sorry,’ I added, ‘just nerves…’
‘But I need to tell you,beforeI tell you, that it was a mistake and I’m sorry and it’s over.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘OK. Same here, for what it’s worth.’
‘Same here?’ Dawn said. ‘Which bit?’
‘All of it,’ I said. ‘I need to tell you something and it was a mistake and it’s over and I’m sorry.’ My eyes misted up as I said that, and I saw that Dawn had noticed.
‘Is it?’ she asked. ‘Before we get into my one, is yours over? Definitely? Definitively?’
‘It is,’ I said, but my voice came out so croaky that I had to say it again. ‘It is. So who goes first?’
‘I suppose…’ Dawn said, then, ‘You know what? I actually don’t need to know about yours at all. I just needed to know if it was over and if… I suppose I need to know if you still want all this.’ She gestured vaguely at the kitchen and though I knew exactly what she meant, she added, ‘If you still want me, really.’
‘I do,’ I told her. ‘I never wanted all of this, all ofyoumore than I do right now.’
