‘Right,’ she said. ‘OK. Well, me too.’
‘Thank God for that,’ I said, reaching for her hand, but she withdrew it out of reach.
‘I should probably tell you mine first,’ she said. ‘Before we get all cutesy.’
I covered my mouth with one hand and thought for a moment. ‘I’m not sure I need to know your details either,’ I told her, realising that it was true only as I said it. ‘Unless you actually feel youneedto tell me?’
‘No, I don’t,’ she said. ‘I really don’t.’
‘Then it’s OK,’ I told her. ‘Leave it at that. Really.’
‘But I’ll tell you if you need to know,’ Dawn said. ‘I’ll tell you anything you want to know.’
‘Same here.’
‘So nothing?’ Dawn asked. ‘You don’t need to know anything at all?’
‘No, I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘Not if it’s over.’
‘It is,’ Dawn said. ‘It never really got started, but it’s definitely over now.’
‘Is it, was it Billy?’ I asked. ‘Actually, don’t answer that.’ I didn’t even know where the question had come from. I’d never consciously imagined she might be seeing Billy. Not after all these years. But the question had come from somewhere, and without considering it further I’d said it out loud.
‘Yes,’ Dawn said. ‘Yes, it was Billy. But nothing really happened, just so you know. And I’ll never see him again. I really hope I won’t, anyway.’
‘Christ,’ I said. ‘And I knew it was him. How did I know that?’
Dawn shrugged and shook her head sadly.
‘It’s always been Billy, hasn’t it?’ I said. ‘It’s always been fucking Billy, lurking in the background.’
‘Only in my head, really,’ Dawn said. ‘I haven’t, you know, seen him…hadn’tseen him since… back then. Not once. And I’m sorry I finally did. But at least now Ihaveand I can confirm that he’s an arsehole. Worse than an arsehole. Much worse, actually. So… yeah.’
‘So he’s gone,’ I said. ‘Billy’s out of the picture, once and for all?’
Dawn nodded and a tear ran down her cheek.
‘Billy fucking Riddle,’ I said. ‘He’s been like a bad smell for thirty years.’
‘It’s actually Ruddle,’ Dawn said.
‘I’m sorry?’
‘His name’s Ruddle, not Riddle. He thinks Riddle sounds cooler, I suppose. He’s such a… But anyway, yeah. I’m really, really sorry, Rob. I’m sorry I had him on my mind. There was no… no point to it all, really, but he was. He was always hanging around in the ether, one way or another, like you say. Like a bad smell.’
‘Until now.’
‘Yes, until now.’
‘Will we be better, do you think?’ I asked. ‘Now you know? Will we be better together?’
‘Maybe,’ Dawn said. ‘I hope so. And you too? Now yours is over?’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Yeah, I’m pretty sure we will.’
‘There’s something else I need to tell you, actually. Something that’s nothing to do with… all of this.’
Sink, flowers, tabletop.
