Declan must have been wondering the same because he glanced over his shoulder and chewed on his bottom lip.
I waited.
At last, he worked up the courage to speak.
“Erik, I—”
He cut himself off, as usual. I waited again, as patient as I needed to be with this man. I’d wait forever if I had to.
“I wanted you to know that I—”
I met his eyes, and the sheer panic in them surprised me. He knew I wanted him, surely? Especially after the last couple of days.
Maybe I needed to take the lead. Whatever Sonny’s plan was – and I wasn’t entirely sure he actually had a plan, rather than just good intentions – it involved the three of us and maybe it was unfair to put the burden of truth on Declan.
“Declan, I told you—”
“So what Christmas film are we watching tonight, then?”
His voice was too loud and he turned his head away to look at the TV, breaking our eye contact and cutting off my attempt at telling him.
The disappointment hit me harder than I’d expected. I’d really thought he would say he wanted me. So far, it had only been Sonny who insisted Declan felt anything for me at all, other than lust. I kind of needed to know that it was true. I neededDeclanto say it.
He was talking, though, about Christmas films.
“It’s a Wonderful Life is a classic but it’s a bit depressing and it makes Sonny cry. I don’t think it’s a good idea to watch it because Jimmy Stewart’s brother falls through the ice. Why don’t we watch something more cheerful?”
“Yeah, sure.” My voice didn’t come out as calm as I’d like but Declan didn’t notice, thankfully.
“Sonny’s favourite is Arthur Christmas. Can you get that?”
“I’ll see,” I said, and turned on the TV to investigate.
By the time Sonny joined us, it was all set up and ready to watch. I had the blanket ready and a Terry’s chocolate orange already broken into pieces.
Sonny had takenwaytoo long washing up. He’d definitely thought Declan and I would be having a heart to heart, or maybe some make-out time. He was not the only one disappointed.
I moved over so that there was room in the middle of the couch, between me and Declan. He stood awkwardly for a moment. “Do you want…?”
He gestured at Declan, and I patted the seat beside me.
He slid in and I pulled the blanket over all three of us. I wasn’t trying to distance myself from Declan, I just didn’t want Sonny to feel he always had to be the other side of Declan from me. Or that he was going to have to share Declan. Because, at this rate, Declan was going to choose Sonny and Sonny alone.
“Ooh, Arthur Christmas,” he cried as he spotted the screen. “This is my favourite! Have you seen it?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“You’re in for a treat,” he assured me, and pulled the blanket higher up his chest, snuggling down. He reached over and picked up a piece of chocolate orange and popped it into his mouth before handing me one. I took it and pressed play, and the three of us watched, squashed together on my too-small couch.
By the time we went to bed, I’d mostly got over the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach and I’d had to stay alert for the second half of the film, concentrating on controlling my limbs because my tentacles wanted to come out and wind around the two men beside me.
It meant I was actually pretty tired and I yawned, cracking my jaw.
Sonny stripped and jumped into the bed under the blankets. “It’s chilly out there!”
Declan sat down on the edge of the bed and I helped him remove his prosthetic, the same as yesterday, and then he was about to slide under the blankets when Sonny said, “Take your clothes off.”
Declan was sitting up in the bed, his legs already half-hidden beneath the blankets. I’d noticed that he tried to hide his limb difference from Sonny, as though if he couldn’t see it, Sonny wouldn’t notice.
