“It’s too embarrassing and complicated and honestly mi nuh know if she would a pree we different.”
I trust her and she’s understanding for sure but this kind of shit is messy and sickening, especially when I’m not sure who my father is.
“Junior… you think Orion a mi father too?” I ask. Cya believe mi affi a’ ask this.
He’s silent for a while before he shrugs. “Mi nuh sure.”
I curse again.
When I finally drive out it’s almost 7 o’ clock. I stop behind Junior’s Porsche that Suzanne is driving and he gets out. We exchange goodbyes then I head to my mother’s house.
When I reach I realize that her porch is filled with her friends. They’re eating jerk chicken in foil paper.
“This bad enuh,” she laughs as she eats it, then I spot Lorie. She’s sitting in a wheel chair next to some other people and I hiss.
Wah she a do yer?
I slam the door behind me, walking over to them.
“Nicki see yuh sweet bwoy yah,” one of her friend says.
“Night,” I say to everyone as I walk in. They answer and I push the grill open.
“Zahira nuh stop bawl,” Janel says as she meets me. She’s holding her. She starts wiggling when she spots me. I gently pinch her cheek and she laughs.
“She love you enuh,” Janel smiles.
“She miss har mother too,” I say taking her then I spot Jordane playing video game. Zahir is next to him rolling a ball with his hand.
“Jordane, weh you deh pan?” I ask then I hear Jania’s voice. She’s in the kitchen.
“Deh yah a play some game and mi done drink soup,” he says. There’s an empty plate in front him with chewed shrimp.
“Nahmal pree,” I say before picking up my son and he laughs. He starts cooing and I peck his cheek.
“Nahmal Nahmal,” Jordane chuckles. Jania comes out with two cups of juice in her hands, handing one to him. He thanks her then she greets me.
“Hey Nickoi,” she smiles.
“Up,” I smile walking over to the side, picking up their bags. I need to leave now.
“Nick, see some food here,” mommy hands me a plate and I take it from her after putting the babies down in their crib. Everything that Junior tells me starts playing on my mind again.
I’m not mad at my mom and I totally understand. I’m just wondering who’s my dad. It’s bothering me so instead of staying around them, I mean, my mom who has the answer to my question. I walk outside and sit on a plastic chair, away from everyone. It’s a little in the dark but I don’t mind. I want to be isolated.
I start eating.
It’s a shrimp soup and it’s very pepper, I can smell the pepper. It tastes good though.
As I drink the soup, I start asking myself questions, wondering what my mom has been hiding from me. What if my father isn’t really my father? What if my uncle is my father?
Jah know star.
I hear footsteps and I realize that it’s mommy.
I breathe.
She sits down close to me and I stay silent, focusing on my soup.
