Before it drifts away, I lean in, lips on his, inhale the smoke, let it curl into me. Then I exhale into his mouth. His eyes blaze instantly.
“Come yer,” he rasps. I slide closer. His lips crashes into mine. His hand cups my breast. I laugh between kisses.
“You couldn’t wait.” He smirks. Then deepens the kiss. Fingers slide between my thighs. I grind against him, slowly. Our bodies speak in silence. His tongue circles mine. He trailskisses down my neck. I rest my face against his chest and bite at his shirt teasingly. Butterflies. Everywhere. Heat rising, then he stops. Just sits back.
He scrolls his phone. “Nickoi,” I breathe, chest rising. He shakes his head like nothing just happened.
“Why yuh do this to me?” I ask, voice shaky. He stays silent.
“Nickoi,” I repeat, “Why yuh doing this to mi?”
“Do what?”
“You avoided me for days. Now yuh playing with me too? I hate sleeping alone. A wah, yuh plan to keep mi sexually frustrated?” Tears pool in my eyes.
“Yuh win. Just stop,” I add.
“Mi never come fi stay long,” he says, still scrolling. “Mi just remember mi have a bredgrin fi check. Maybe mi link yuh later.” All him do is lie, lie and lie.
“You really coming home?” He licks his lips when I ask that with a nod.
I kiss him softly. “Okay. Be safe… later.” As I walk back in, Malik turns from the mirror.
“Zara… a the Don yuh breed for?” I grab the dumbbells and the GLE’s engine roar away behind me. But I’m smiling. Maybe because we made progress. Maybe because today… feels different. I brush my hair behind my ear, cheeks warm. What did Malik ask again?Irrelevant.
I press play again, Toxic still humming, and lift the weights like they weigh nothing. Once it’s time to leave, I dry the sweat with the towel, my body still buzzing from the workout, but my head, still heavy. Nickoi. Always Nickoi. As I cruise my Benz through the hills, my thoughts bounce between what almost happened… and what didn’t. When I turn in and push the door open, Gavin’s laugh meets me before anything else. He turns around, grinning like he knows something I don’t.
“Hey Gavin,” I say, stepping inside. “The babies sleeping?”
“Yes, m’ love,” he nods, following me toward the kitchen. He’s looking at me with that teasing kind of smirk. I already know what’s coming.
“Why you a smile so? Wah get yuh in such a great mood after yuh lef here sad?” I feel the heat rise to my face. I’m blushing. The same person weh break mi heart… kinda heal it halfway same time. I swirl my macha and gulp it with a smile. “Um… gym was just nice,” I say, wiping my lip. Gavin leans against the counter, arms folded.
“Who yuh see today?” He’s watching me too close. Reading between my smiles.
I roll my eyes, laughing. “Malik.” A straight lie, well, a half-truth. He doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t press either. He just walks off toward the living room, slipping on his shoes.
“Mi a go leave now enuh, Zara. So take care.” I pull him into a quick hug.
“Later Gav.” He heads out and I head for my room. Still in my gym clothes, still feeling Nickoi on my skin like sweat I can’t get off. But for some reason… I’m smiling. Stupidly. Like something big is coming. Like tonight might actually mean something.
***
The lace hugs my skin. Fuchsia pink Fenty lingerie. Soft and pretty. A little see-through. I run my hands down the sides of my thighs and glance in the mirror, smoothing my hair. He’s gonna love this. I smile, more to myself than anything, and step closer to the mirror. I shift my weight, tilt my head.Click.I take a few pictures with my phone, just capturing the moment. It’s not about being sexy. It’s about feeling seen. Feeling wanted. Feeling like…usagain. I spot his MacBook on the dresser. Something tugs at me.
I set it up quietly, the Apple logo glowing in the dim room, and take one last photo, this time facing the screen, my phoneheld up mid-snap. I don’t know why. I just feel like he’d smile if he stumbled on it one day. Like… a reminder of how much I care. After, I wrap myself in my robe, the lace peeking through, I crawl back into bed. Riverdale plays in the background while I tuck myself under the covers. My eyes flick to the door. Then the phone. It’s 9:00. I dial him.Voicemail.
Maybe he’s still on the road. Maybe he’s almost here. Maybe he’s picking up something nice and just doesn’t want to ruin the surprise. I pull the blanket closer, butterflies still doing cartwheels in my stomach. But time crawls. 9:45 turns into 10:00. Still nothing. By 10:30, I can’t pretend anymore. I sit up in bed, my fingers loosely gripping the edge of my robe. The room feels still, like it’s holding its breath with me. I glance at the phone again.
He’s not coming.
My heart sinks slow and steady. He told me he would. Promised, even. I wasn’t trying to be extra, just… special. I wanted tonight to feel like the start of something again. Instead, I feel stupid. Like I was waiting for a knock that was never coming.
I stare at the MacBook. At the reflection of myself in the screen, bare-faced, dressed up, holding hope in my lap like a gift he didn’t want to open. A tear slips before I can catch it, my vision blurs. This hurt bad. Because I really believed him. And now I’m just here… wrapped in lace and silence.
42
Discomfort
