“Nickoi dem did a call yuh fi yuh speech yuh alright?” Mommy looks in. “Zara in deh?” I ignore the second part.
“Mi good. How yuh know mi deh in yah?”
“Juaqína out yer a cry. A wah yuh do har?”Juaqína?
“Me?” I echo, confused. Zara tells me she’s going to fix her hair, and heads to the bathroom. I crack the door and my mother steps inside.
“Mi neva see she cry like that eno,” she says, her face serious. “And mi know she nuh soft. So whatever it is, yuh hurt har.”
My chest tighten. “Wah she even a do up yer?” I hiss under my breath.
“Nick… mi have supm fi tell yuh,” she says, voice dropping.
I frown. “What?”
“Mi know say a Zara a yuh first serious woman…” she trails off, looking at me carefully. “But um.. a neva she a yuh first baby mother.”
I laugh, it’s dry. “Mommy… wah yuh a talk bout?”
“Go talk to Juaqína,” she says instead, patting my shoulder. “And come do the speech. We a wait.” She walks off and I just stand there. Still. Processing. First baby mother? Nah man. That don’t make no sense. Zara steps out, freshened up and glowing.
She comes up to me with a little smile, touching my arm. “Babe, yuh ready fi go back down?”
“Mi a go do the speech,” I tell her, and she follows me.
Downstairs, the energy loud again. I spot Juaqína by the bar, her eyes red. She quickly looks away. Zara heads over to her friends, and I move to the stage. “DON!” a few yell out, hyping the moment.
I take the mic. Mind still nowhere near here, but mi affi play the part. “Kno’ my style… kno’ mi o keep it short,” I start and earn a few chuckles. “Today is the Outlaw party, mi fadda 48th birthday and mi waan thank each and every one of you for being here. This is a special moment for the gang too because we are always working throughout the year and we finally meet at the end of the year with majority alive. Only a few start with us and nuh mek it cas yuh know how the badness thing go but fi see everybody here good and a celebrate my father’s special day makes me grateful…” I continue, heart heavy, brain heavier.
By the end, the whole crowd shouts: “One Family!”
Cups raise. I smile for the camera, but my spirit feel twisted. After everything done, people come up, tell me how nice the speech was but I’m already looking for her. I spot her leaving and I move quick.
Outside, I catch her arm. “Wah yuh a bawl fah?” I ask.
She wipes her face. “You don’t even understand how much mi love yuh,” she cries. “And all yuh do is hurt mi.Hear ya? Yuh neva tell har seh no strings attached? Wah do dem gyal ya?
I shake my head. “Hurt yuh how? Juaqína, we neva deh.”
“We weren’t, but in a way we were. Tell mi one day we neva sleep together before she show up.”
I stare at her blankly. “We still neva deh.”
She sniffles. “Mi know yuh nuh love mi. But mi feelings real. Yuh cya just a fling yuh seed inna me every other day and nuhexpect me fi fall in love wid yuh. Right now seeing you and dah gyal deh a mash up mi meds.”
I take a breath. “Yuh a hurt yuhself. Plus, yuh done say yuh understand mi move on and yuh respect it.”
She scoffs. “And yuh believe mi? Mi think yuh woulda leff har like the rest a gyal dem, but now? Yuh give har everything mi always want from yuh Nickoi.”
“Juaqína stop the foolishness cas mi tell yuh seh no strings attached so yuh cya tell me this now and a wah yuh seh to mi mother?” I ask her.
“The truth,” she says.
“Wah a the truth?” It comes out cold.
“Nick I couldn’t take it anymore to hear you and her,” she cries. “That was us in that same room and now a dah gyal deh so I decided to leave and then Nicki stopped me and I just started spilling the truth.”
“Watch how yah talk bout mi ooman,” I warn her. She pops her eyes wide, then I switch the topic. “And wah a the truth!?” I press, dying to hear her‘truth’.
