It felt like he gut punched me. I took steps backwards until the back of my legs hit my bed. I took a seat and hugged myself. I didn’t have to have the details; all I heard was the word hurt.
“I fucked up and I’m sorry, I didn’t see the fucking signs Truly. I thought she loved our baby.” His voice cracked.
“What happened Aubry, sit over on the chaise because I can’t have you close to me right now.” I swallowed down the lump that rose in my throat again.
“I’m sorry, Truly.”
I quickly looked up at him and really saw the sorrow etched in his brown eyes. His sorrows wouldn’t fix the years of hell he put me through. It sure as hell wouldn’t fix whatever damage was done to our baby because of him hurting me by keeping her away through court obligations.
“You should have been sorry after she was born…there’s no need to cry over spoiled milk that I wouldn’t dare drink. Tell me, Aubry.” I slowly rocked back and forth.
Aubry sighed, turned, then went back to the chaise. Once he was seated, he ran his hands down his face. That was another sign that whatever he was about to say was going to hurt me and send my anger into overdrive.
“A month ago, she caught me fucking this chick from work at a hotel…I forgot to turn off my phone’s location.” He stated casually.
I rolled my eyes because it was the nerve of him per usual to want me to himself while he had a wife and a slew of other women.
“I saw a change in her then but only towards me. A week later, I noticed a change in Lo Lo. She’d cry hard before bedtime. Not wanting Ashley to read her a bedtime story which was crazy. Lo Lo loves the way Ashely animates her voice when reading to her at night. Then two weeks ago during dinner, Lo Lo flinched hard when Ashley set her plate in front of her. I asked Ashley what the fuck was that about and she played dumb.” He shut his eyes and shook his head hard from side to side.
My palms grew slick from sweat when it was always cold in each room courtesy of my mom. She had been going through menopause and kept the AC on low all day. My anger was moltenhot; I rocked aggressively back and forth then blinked my eyes harder in his direction.
“After Lo Lo ate dinner, I wanted to talk to her in private. I know she not talking in full complete sentences, but you know we can ask her questions, and she understands yes, and no. Ashley made a big deal about her being a woman and how she should be the one to bathe Lo Lo?—”
“I’m gone beat that bitch ass!” I seethed the words out.
“I almost beat her down where she stood, but I needed to get Lo Lo alone to ask her my questions.” His Adams apple bobbed which told me he was getting mad all over again saying it all out loud.
“I didn’t have to ask Lo Lo questions…Once she was in the bathroom and undressed…” His words trailed off painfully.
He shut his eyes tight for seconds that felt like long minutes.
“A-Aubry?” My voice cracked.
He opened his eyes and my heart cracked into tiny pieces. Big crocodile tears rolled down his face. A low weak sob escaped his mouth; my entire body went still as my stomach dropped like I had been pushed off the highest building.
“B-bruises,” he shook his head in denial. “There were bruises on her upper arms, her lower back and stomach.” He coughed violently.
Blood dripped from my nose, I was overwhelmed. It was my stress response since a kid when things became too much for me to bear. I stared into his cold face and felt sick to my core.
“That’s why you stop answering the phone…you didn’t bring her too me because you were trying to hide the bruises from me.” A strained cry left my mouth as I looked away.
“I didn’t want you to lose it…I did that for the both of us and if I didn’t scare her enough with reporting her, I’d be going to jail…so far, she haven’t reported her discharge papers to the police. I feel like this is my karma…”
“Don’t you fucking dare, Aubry. Don’t try to manipulate me into feeling sorry for how the fuck you feel. Our daughter getting abuse by that bitch is not your karma.” I gritted out.
“I’m sick, Truly.” More tears dropped from his eyes.
I knew he felt sick, he would never forgive himself and I didn’t give a fuck about none of that.
“If you never took her away, none of this shit would’ve happened, Aubry. I’m so angry I could grab my fucking gun and shoot you…” I threatened.
I didn’t bother pinching the bridge of my nose to stop the bleeding. All I saw was red.
“I know, I fucked up. Fuck the courts, the custody battle, and everything else. I want to make it right. I got an apartment; I want you to move in with me and Lo Lo… we can work something out and take things slowly.”
His words were comical to me. He slowly back handed his tears away, his sorrowful look got replaced with determination. How was it that easy for men to leave one situation and try to jump headfirst into another? Maybe it was because I never cut off our ongoing situation to begin with. Aubry was confident in hiswords. He already felt victorious like this should have been a big opportunity for me.
The only good thing about him mentioning us was Lo Lo. I couldn’t keep going out like this…Yeah…it’s time to break the chains that he got on me.
