Alaric must sense my shift in mood because his wet nose nudges my arm. I run my fingers through his coat to not only relax him but myself as well.
“The role was supposed to be simple. Be assigned an Enchantress, produce an heir, and that was it. I was happy to do it, to help Teravie.” Calix sighs, eyes bouncing between us and the fire. “I had no idea that by doing so, my entire life would change.”
“What are you trying to say?” Sorin asks, placing his empty wine glass on the table to his left.
“I never intended to fall in love with the Enchantress I was arranged to. It was never supposed to be more than the arrangement, but—” Calix runs a hand down his bearded chin. “But you knew your mother better than anyone, Elora. So, you know how impossible it was not to fall in love with her.”
Air fights its way out of my lungs, but it’s trapped. My throat squeezes tighter and black crowds my vision.
“What did you just say?” Sorin’s tone is stern and low, asking the question for me.
My head spins and thoughts race. Alaric’s nose nudges my arm again, reminding me to breathe.
“Elwyn Leigh was the Enchantress I was arranged to.” Calix’s voice shakes, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. “It was so much more than that. She was so much more…” My eyes snap to Calix. He meets my gaze, his hands clenched in his lap. “I loved your mother, Elora.” His face blurs as tears well in my eyes.
I can’t hear this.
This can’t be happening.
Alaric grumbles but he doesn’t bare his teeth. He stays planted at my side. His magick runs next to mine, easing the panic filtering into me.
“You left her there.” A tear spills from my cheek, landing on my lips, leaving a salty taste on my tongue. I don’t bother wiping it away.
You left me.
Calix’s face breaks. He crumples forward, bracing himself with his elbows on his knees. “I wanted you both to come with me. I swear, I tried to get her to leave but she wouldn’t. She was so set that you needed to stay safe. So set on staying?—”
“Don’t make this her fault.” My jaw clenches, that white hot anger I’ve known so well these last few years ready to boil over the surface.
“I’m not.” Calix shakes his head. “I would never.” He runs a hand over his jaw. “The laws of Valebridge have always been clear. Enchantresses are to live with the king so he may access their magick as needed, and if Elwyn was anything, it was loyal.”
He hangs his head for a moment, and I feel as though I may combust. My body can’t decide if I’m angry or glad that a piece of my mother lives on through this stranger’s memories.
“She served King Silas with unwavering dedication.”
Alaric rumbles in his throat again but my head is spinning, thoughts bouncing between having a father and having a father that left my mother. Sorin’s grip tightens around my knee, reminding me where I am.
I have you.
“I insisted your mother come with me to the Onyx Guild despite the law, but she refused. She Saw something the day you were born, and it frightened her. She never told me what it was, but a part of me already knew. The sacrifices she would have to make for you.” He gestures between Sorin and I.
I glance at Sorin who looks just as perplexed as I do.
“Sacrifice?”
Calix dismisses Sorin’s question, poking the fire again. “Elwyn did what she thought was best by keeping you in the only place she knew to be safe, Elora. So, cowardly, I moved on. I obeyed her wishes and left. But I should have fought harder.” He places the stoker down, seemingly content with the now raging flames. “I love my wife, but I have regretted leaving your mother’s side every day. Mostly, I have regretted leaving you.”
Our eyes meet but it’s all too overwhelming. This other part of myself I never thought existed. A piece of the puzzle I thought I was fine to be missing, and yet now that I know the truth, I can’t help but wonder how I’d feel when that piece is in place.
“Does your wife know of me?”
“No,” Calix admits, and I’m not sure if I’m relieved or heartbroken.
“The Onyx Guild is within the Kirsgard Mountains,” Sorin says. His hand has found mine again, and between him and Alaric, my anger settles a bit. “Is that why she fled there after King Silas was slain?”
I glance at Calix in time to see him nod. “It was as close as she was willing to get to me after I married. But as stubborn as she could be, your mother was also smart. She knew I’d keep her safe, for as long as I possibly could.” His brows pinch and he busies himself again with the fire that doesn’t need tending.
I watch him closely. His hair, flecked with gray, still houses strands of golden blonde so similar to mine I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed before. The curve of his nose matches that of my own as well. I look away. Too afraid to find anymore of myself in him. As if it will take away the parts of me that are my mothers. The parts that are myself.
