The reservations and fears that had started filling my head earlier hadn’t disappeared and I knew that this aftermath was going to be different, Aimee had changed—the circumstances had changed. And whatever her mind had been plaguing her with for the last week would undoubtedly have a lasting effect. It was hard to not feel even mildly resentful and I hated myself for the thought. I’d wanted to be there for her for as long as I could remember—and then I was. And I was right here, in the place I’d wanted to be for years. The thing is Petyr’s words wouldn’t leave my head, and it felt suffocating wondering if being there for Aimee would cost me my dreams.
I closed my eyes, and pulled her closer and shoved all the worries and fears aside. I inhaled deeply and let her warm vanilla sugar scene lull me into sleep.
It took a little bit, but I felt her body relax as darkness claimed both of us.
CHAPTER 35
aimee
The first thingI became aware of was the feel of my head thumping in time with my heartbeat.
The second thing was the stuffiness that filled the inside of my head and dulled my senses.
The third thing was the heavy weight that banded across my middle.
The fourth thing was the tickle of breaths on the back of my neck.
Opening my eyes, I squinted against the dull light seeping in through the curtains that had been haphazardly closed. Even the minor amount of daylight aggravated my already pounding head. I shifted slightly, and the weight around my middle tightened, and I blindly reached down to find out what it was—an arm. I craned my neck, finding Lukas curled tightly behind me and locking me against his body.
And then, other things caught my attention.
One of his legs was tucked between mine.
His other arm was shoved under the pillow, under my head.
He smelled like cinnamon spice and it permeated the air around me.
I shifted again, and his arm tightened further and then I stilled. Because one other thing had become very obviously apparent. I could feel the very hard, andverygenerous length of him against my backside and despite the pathetic state I was very obviously in, it took all my willpower to not squeeze my legs together and whimper. But I didn’t have to, as Lukas’s leg shifted higher, his thigh nearly pressing at my core and it was so tempting to want to move, to grind myself on the corded muscle I knew would be there.
But something had happened last night, and flashes of it were starting to come back. So to occupy my thoughts, I ignored the building desire as it was definitely not the time, and watched my finger as I traced the veins on the back of his hand and up his forearm. Up and down, back and forth, until I felt him shift behind me, and I knew he was waking up.
As Lukas woke up, he pulled away from me. I rolled over to face him. He looked so young, still half asleep, still waking up. His dark hair was mussed, and his eyes were still half lidded—he wasn’t a morning person, that much was pretty clear.
He rubbed his eyes with his hands, doing a full body stretch before yawning and looking at me. I wiggled a little bit closer, and reached out into the space he’d put between us. Lukas rolled over onto his side and I could see him checking me over, making sure I was okay. I inched my hand and fingers over the bed until I was touching him, gripping his shirt, grounding myself in his presence.
“Hi,” I whispered.
And I wished that I was greeting him for any other reason than trauma. I was dumping it all on him and expecting him to just be able to cope with it all. But I could see something in his eyes that hadn’t been there a few days ago, a reservation, hesitation and conflict and I knew. I blinked back the burn of tears and pushed away the dread filling my chest. I ignored theurge to scramble out of this bed and run far,faraway before he could make my biggest fears come to light.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching out to brush hair away from my face.
My eyes fluttered at the feeling of his fingers, a feeling that was gone much too soon as he lowered his hand back to the bed.
“Honestly? Exhausted. I’m guessing Eloise dropped me off here last night?” I asked, my voice quiet.
“You scared her, and she didn’t know what to do,” he said softly.
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before steeling myself and meeting his gaze.
“She shouldn’t have bothered you,” I said.
“Aimee, it’s not a problem. You were near inconsolable. It took me a long time to calm you down. Why didn’t you tell me you were having nightmares again?”
Because you’re growing to resent me, my trauma, and getting involved with me. You’re realizing that the idea of Aimee Bryant is way more appealing than the reality.
I don’t say any of that though, and just give him a sad smile and a shrug.
“I thought I was handling it by using the tools I’ve been taught. But last night…last night was the worst it’s been since the beginning.”
